Nina Davuluri, or Miss America to you, recently visited a high school where she was asked to prom by one of its students. Inexplicably, this student was immediately suspended. Some have speculated that it might have been for a dress code violation, as his balls have to be too large for regulation size shorts.
Sloppy Gilmore
Nothing says, “I’m ready for the real world” like getting blackout and crying about the end with your friends while wearing enough argyle to clothe the basketball team: Senior bar golf is here. Get excited for whatever is in Player’s Holy Grail, it’s -3 points and sure to make you forget that you actually went to Player’s.
No-Wang Clan
Last week, rapper Andre Johnson got shafted. He reportedly cut off his penis and then threw himself off a building while high on PCP. The now ironically named Johnson survived the episode, but doctors were unable to reattach his genitals. I would say that this man is clearly nuts, but that just seems inaccurate.
That's all, folks
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With this quick hit ends my reign of “humor.” After countless dick jokes, puns and complaints about our insensitivity, I pass my title of thumb-czar on to another that will try to make you laugh, or at least chuckle under your breath. I hope, just like this sideways thumb, I’ve left you with an overwhelming sense of “meh.”
