Column: Talking politics with your family

S o you’re home for the holidays and your aunt/cousin/sibling/parent wants to talk about the protests in Ferguson. Or perhaps your drunk uncle is complaining about sexual assault scandals and the suspension of the University of Virginia’s fraternities. Maybe your cousin is pissed that marriage equality is now the law in North Carolina.

Even in the most progressive family, these things are bound to come up during the holidays. So let’s set aside some time to study up and prep for those fun holiday conversations.

Your uncle says: “Those rioters in Ferguson don’t really understand what they’re protesting. It’s not a race issue.”

There are a couple of things you can do here: Try an appeal to basic sympathy or an appeal to statistics.

We shouldn’t need to imagine a family relationship in order to feel sympathy for a grieving community, but sometimes that’s the best approach at the dinner table.

“What if he was your son?” tends to work well, because once you even attempt to fathom the pain that the Brown family is going through, it becomes pretty clear that every single protest is warranted.

Or you could tell him that according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, black people are killed by law enforcement at triple the rate white people are.

Your cousin says: “Virginia’s frats shouldn’t be punished. It’s those girls’ faults for getting drunk at a frat party.”

Just — no. You could point out that the sexual assault reported in the now famous Rolling Stone article was possibly part of a fraternity’s initiation ritual. Or you could say that the perpetrators made a decision to assault these women, that a group of people made an active choice to deeply harm their classmates.

You could say that no, not all fraternities are violent and that many are making strides to change patterns of violent behavior. You could also say, however, that research shows that fraternity men are more likely than other college men and the general population to approve of coercing women to engage in sexual behavior.

Your mom says: “North Carolina shouldn’t have gay marriage. Sixty percent of North Carolinians voted for Amendment One!”

Yes, 61 percent of those who voted on the issue voted to adopt the amendment. But only 13 percent of the state’s total population voted for the amendment. Statistics, y’all! I guess you could argue with her on the importance of marriage equality, but what’s the point? It’s already the law. Now is the time to get just a little smug and celebrate that one good, progressive thing happened here this year.

Above all, take care of yourselves this season. It is good and important to talk about these issues with family, but don’t do so at the expense of your mental health. There’s a difference between being uncomfortable (which is where most real growth occurs) and being unsafe. It’s okay to breathe, pour yourself another glass of wine and celebrate the season with the ultimate group of problematic faves: your family.