You Asked for It: In which we explore online dating and protect our belongings

Drew Goins (HerCampus’ February 2014 Campus Cutie!!) and Kelsey Weekman (Alert Carolina’s September 2014 Disaster of the Month) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.”

You: Which social media app is the best for dating?

YAFI: Tinder is the logical first step, but it’s easy to get bored of answering “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” as if you don’t realize that implies you’re some sort of fallen demon. It’s painful to constantly see pictures of girls posing beside horses or guys taking tuxedo mirror selfies, so get more creative.

Scan Facebook for that casual acquaintance whose friend request earned an “Eh, why not?” or the group project collaborator who didn’t totally suck — there could be something there.

Hop on Yik Yak if you want to find someone with a sense of humor entirely stolen from Tumblr or if you’re just trying to get catfished.

Try Yelp. This could be your chance to meet a five-star date who has the same passion for one-dollar-sign Vietnamese bakeries.

Are you a professional? Holler at the LinkedIn connections who endorse you for flirty things like “modeling” and “Microsoft Office.” Are you not a professional? Do you remember Chatroulette?

You: My roommate borrows my things without asking! What should I do?!

YAFI: The most important thing to keep in mind here is not to overreact. So your roommate might not have been joking when he put down “toothbrush” as a shareable item on your roommate agreement. It happens to everybody. Just keep calm and don’t do anything rash.

Start non-confrontationally by substituting your everyday, borrowable items with super dangerous or suspicious objects. Switch your umbrella out with a samurai sword, your calculator with a live porcupine and your iPad with a large photo of your roommate with his or her eyes whited out. Your roommate will be so scared and confused that he or she’ll stop interacting with you altogether!

But some people might need your request spelled out for them. Be explicit. And for extra emphasis, try to incorporate the object in question.

Use your hair straightener to singe a warning on your roommate’s sheets, or squeeze out a toothpaste ultimatum all over his homework.

If neither of these actions stop your roommate’s skulduggery in its tracks, it might be time for you to borrow a new roommate yourself.