Column: ’Tis the season to be moochy

Happy Swipe Season! You can now catch me and my crew outside the Lenoir escalator asking for a ride up to free tots, Monday through Sunday.

Trader Joe’s was out of honeycrisp apples last time I went, my feelings got hurt, and I am hoping to not have to go back until after graduation.

Help me make that happen, swipe kids, and I’ll help your relationship with your folks by making it look like you didn’t waste the meal plan they bought you.

But this time of year is not just about receiving gifts, friends.

Swipe Season, like all great Jewish holidays, is a time for giving back. Remember that as long as you’re around to take free swipes, you’ve still got time to make a difference on campus.

Our time is winding down quick y’all — real freaking quick. I, like many of you, am in desperate need of something to alert me to that reality. Just in time for the holidays, I have prepared a guide for using the gift of free food to reinvigorate your final weeks at UNC.

During Swipe Season, seniors, it is not cool to compare the personal prestige of your future against others. I spoke to y’all about this a little bit in my last column, but it is worth reiterating.

Our metrics for valuing success are flawed. To those of you who are beginning an elite career path after graduation, congratulations, but remember that your status does not make you superior to your fellow graduates.

Former UNC Professor Omid Safi said it right in a recent article in “On Being”: “It doesn’t matter to me who you work for in your life. I wanna know what gives meaning to your living. It doesn’t matter to me where you live. I wanna know what you are living for.”

Reinforcing societal pressure to succeed is not behavior deserving of swipes.

Swipe Season is not a time to grow tired of addressing justice, class of 2015. Although we are becoming tired, we must remember that injustice persists on campus despite our growing senioritis.

Like many of you, I am having a tough time resisting burnout. But the Board of Governors and other foes are not tired. Fight back and earn your swipes.

Always thank your swiper, seniors. And before you do that, thank your parents, professors, mentors, friends and all the people who have loved you into the position you are in now.

For my swipes, I pledge to earnestly express how much I value my housemates’ presence and influence. I will show up to office hours of the professors who made me think deeper, just to talk.

Over dinner, I will speak with my Mom, Dad and big brother about familial love, politics, heritage and the immense sacrifice involved in my upbringing. Family, you will delight in all the money I will save during Swipe Season.

I also deeply enjoy Lenoir fries and eating for free. It’s a holiday — make your mama proud and lend me a swipe!

We both know you have more than half left.