Quickhits for April 9, 2015

Tacoghazi

We were shocked — shocked! — to learn the Carolina Union Activities Board had turned down Rae Sremmurd’s very reasonable request for two spicy crunch Doritos tacos from Taco Bell “for unknown reasons.” Like what? The fact that the nearest Taco Bell is in Durham? Come on. Get the men their tacos.

Do it for the likes

Holi Moli is this weekend, which, apart from being an excellent time, is also the year’s foremost occasion for changing your profile picture (to a close-up of you and your closest friends covered in ink) and cover photo (to a wide shot of the cloud of multi-colored dust wafting above a crowd of people in white T-shirts).

A nation grieves

In these trying times, remember: The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice. Still, that doesn’t help ease the pain of Duke’s triumph Monday night. And it’s even worse for graduating seniors, who will no longer be sheltered from Duke fans as they begin their real lives off campus.

Life's rich pageant

Holy crap, y’all. Did you hear about/see the hawk that took down a squirrel in the Pit on Wednesday? We’re used to our nature-spotting being limited to the arboretum and the upper floors of Davis, but this was truly awesome. Plus, the campus squirrels were definitely overdue for being knocked down a few pegs.

Revolution

Riding high off of his critically acclaimed To Pimp a Butterfly, Kendrick Lamar is now selling a shoe with Reebok and released a revolutionary chic advertisement to sell it. There’s nothing wrong with capitalizing on talent, but given the political climate, selling shoes with fake revolution seems tone-deaf.

Please, go ahead

Bradley Bethel apparently heard the news about the Rolling Stone retraction and started a petition calling for a similar review of “the media’s” (he lists 35 outlets, the names of most of which are spelled correctly) coverage of UNC’s scandals. We encourage everyone reading this to go sign once they stop laughing.