Quick hits for May 14, 2015

Southern comfort

Shouts out to the members of the Class of 2015 who showed up to commencement with handles of whiskey and fragrant blunts. What a great way to celebrate your mothers. But what’s the worst that could happen — you’re already being sent off into the world with student loan debt and no job prospects. #UNCgrad

Idol idles

After 13 terrible seasons and the one that gave us Carrie Underwood, Fox will give “American

Idol” just one more year of forced chemistry between whichever judges are left. It’s 2015 — there are other ways to get discovered. For example, check out Drew and Kelsey’s contemporary gospel mixtape, “Lovin’ it with Hashtag Jesus.”

Swift's clique

Karlie Kloss, Lena Dunham, Jessica Alba and even Kendrick Lamar are going to be in Taylor Swift’s video for her song “Bad Blood.” Next on the list? Both royal babies and two-thirds of A$AP Mob and Sarah Koenig, probably. Elizabeth Warren repeatedly told her she’s not interested. J.P. Tokoto should call her — I hear he’s looking for work.

Swift's clique

The NFL announced Monday that future Hall-of-Fame pretty boy Tom Brady is suspended for the first four games of the season after it was found he knew about the team’s deflating footballs before the 2015 AFC Championship. For analysis, see previous 9,237,042,188 jokes about balls. Do better, every sports writer.