Quick hits for May 21, 2015

Obama in ur DMs?

After six years in office, President Barack Obama finally has a Twitter account. Stay tuned for the mass email asking the nations youth such probing questions as, “How do you retweet?” and ,“What’s #TIDAL?” He may be POTUS, but he’s also just another dad about to embarrass his kids on social media.

K**ye W*st

Sunday’s Billboard Music Awards allegedly featured rapper Kanye West, but his performance was so censored, we may never know for sure. Also, “award-winning” “rapper” Iggy Azalea beat out Nicki Minaj, Big Sean and Bobby Shmurda for Best Rap Song, in case you needed more evidence that racism still exists.

BRB, Krying

It’s day 11 without Krispy Kreme and things are getting dire. Our attempts to make doughnuts at home resulted in multiple third degree burns and bruised egos. Nobody does it like you, Krispy. Come back. We promise to do better. Please. That night with Insomnia Cookies was nothing compared to you.

Efland-Cheeks

After Efland-Cheeks Elementary School teacher Omar Currie read students a children’s book with gay characters, many parents objected. After the uproar, Principal Kiley Brown instituted a new policy requiring teachers to notify parents of all books read in class. Brown should not bow to bigoted community members.