UNC football coaches' wives are 'superwomen'

None of them knew what they were getting into.

Well, that’s not quite true. Mia Heckendorf’s father coached, so she had some inkling of what it meant when Keith Heckendorf, the current quarterbacks coach for North Carolina, asked her to marry him back when he was still just a graduate assistant at Nebraska.

She said yes anyway.

“My mom thinks I am the dumbest human ever in the world that I didn’t run,” Mia says now to the six other coaches’ wives standing around the speckled granite countertop in Christi Fedora’s kitchen.

“I’ve told my girls they’re not allowed to marry a coach,” Christi says.

Pictures of her three daughters and her son are all over her house, but it’s harder to find one of her husband, Larry Fedora.

“And my daughter has said she will not marry a coach,” adds Rhonda Brewer, the wife of wide receivers coach Gunter Brewer. She’s been married to a coach on the staff the longest.

They continue to chat about their experiences. Sarah Scott and her husband Tray, who coaches the defensive line, went a solid nine months without having a dinner date that didn’t include a booster or recruit. Other parents thought Jocelyn Warren was a single mom because they never saw her husband, secondary coach Charlton Warren, at the kids’ soccer games.

And linebackers coach John Papuchis was adamant his now-wife Billie date him for a whole season to understand what life with him would be like — not that she would ever really understand until she was at home with four kids under 7 years old by herself day in and day out.

No, none of them quite knew the demands of being a football coach’s wife. But they don’t regret a thing.

‘Santa, bring me a bowl game!’

As the wife of the head coach, Christi Fedora serves as the organizing force of the group. So every Wednesday morning, as many wives that can make it come to the Fedora’s for breakfast, conversation and a Bible study.

The kids are off at school and the husbands have been gone since before even the rumor of sunrise. The first game isn’t until September, but the only offseason the coaches get is three weeks in the summer. The Tar Heels have been practicing since February, and the annual spring game is Saturday at 3 p.m. Then there will be summer camps, fall practice and recruiting. Lots and lots of recruiting.

In the past, teams would only recruit seniors who would be on the team the following season. The increasingly competitive nature of college football requires teams to recruit earlier and earlier. Throughout the year, the coaches fly around the country scouting and visiting recruits, sometimes visiting multiple states in the same day.

“People, I think, don’t understand that it’s year-round,” Billie Papuchis said. “I feel like recruiting is harder than the season. Even though during the season they work until like midnight, they’re at least home.”

The season presents its own set of challenges, though. The staff attends practice almost every weeknight, coaches games on Saturday and holds meetings on Sunday.

Family gatherings on big holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas are out of the question.

“My grandma still asks me, ‘Is John going to be home for Thanksgiving?’” Billie Papuchis said.

“He ain’t been here the last 20 years, this 21st year he’s not coming either,” jokes Sharmane Porter, running backs coach Larry Porter’s wife.

Christmas is often spent in a hotel traveling for a bowl game. But after years, everyone is used to it.

“I’ve given up on Christmas, give me a bowl game,” Jocelyn Warren said. “Santa, bring me a bowl game!”

‘They’ve got your back’

It’s a common feeling among coaches’ wives that they’re like single parents. With the time demands on their husbands, the wives are left to take care of the family and run the house completely by themselves.

For a profession with a lot of mobility, that can be a challenge.

“I’ll give you a moving year, what a moving year is like,” said Rhonda Brewer, whose husband has had jobs at 10 different schools. “For a coach’s wife, your husband gets a new job, he leaves two days later, and you’re left to sell the house, get the kids ready to transition, go and buy a new house, get everything set up there, get the moving truck, and you move everything by yourself.”

When Larry Fedora left Oklahoma State to become the head coach at Southern Miss, he and Christi had to uproot their oldest son, Dillon, a sophomore in high school, in the middle of the school year. He went from Oklahoma to Mississippi to a new school with new friends, new teammates, new everything.

“Those moves are probably some of the toughest because you hurt for your child so much,” Christi said.

When her husband got the job at UNC in December 2011, Christi decided to stay in Mississippi so her oldest daughter Sydney could finish her senior year in high school. On senior night, it was just the two of them walking down the track together. Even when he was still coaching at Southern Miss, Larry Fedora missed most of Dillon’s high school football games on Friday night because he had to be with the team.

“You just don’t even have that option,” Christi said. “You just know you’re doing it all and there’s no question about it.”

To the rest of their friends, a life of a coach’s wife seems insane. With how much their husbands are away, the wives have heard their situation likened to the military. But at least soldiers know where their next assignment is.

“We are superwomen,” Jocelyn Warren said.

There’s no other way for the group to handle the demands of being a coach’s wife. They just do it. The pressures crushing them also help make them so close.

“You wouldn’t mind having any of these ladies on your ship,” Sharmane Porter said. “Because you know they’ve got your back.”

@loganulrich

sports@dailytarheel.com