Kvetching Board for Sept. 30, 2016

kvetch:

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

If some right winger writes to a college newspaper and suggests repealing child labor laws, can the 13th amendment be far behind?

Journalistic objectivity means lampooning the left and the right, the Tar Heels AND the Yalies. Do more, Daily Tar Heel.

Dear Smokers in the Arboretum: I despise you. Thank you for ruining what should have been a relaxing walk through the beauty of nature with your smoldering cloud of toxic chemicals. #TrueKvetch

Help, my editor Tyler legitimately, unironically loves the Bee Movie.

Editor’s note: Tyler does not like the bee movie.

If you don’t think this country is drenched in white guilt, check what comes up when you Google American inventors.

I love that the police logs now include event descriptions. How else would I know that someone stole windshield wipers near Ephesus Church Road at 8:15 a.m. on a Wednesday?

R.I.P to the people in the library sitting by me because I have a tuna sandwich and I’m going to eat it no matter how bad I feel about it!

When you still have back sweat despite the weather feeling like fall already.

To the two guys who included their phone numbers on the last slide of their group presentation: why did you do that.

Bug Howard had “a hell of a catch” and had six receptions for 66 yards ... half-time deal with the devil?

For my birthday, my friends are making me eat a meatball seasoned with Carolina reaper pepper hot sauce ­— I have to eat it and say “thatsa one spicey meatball,” all while holding my hand up and trying not to cry. My question is do they love me or hate me?

To those who say “sorry” rather than “excuse me,” you wouldn’t be sorry if you said “excuse me.”

The Pit Stop no longer sells cream soda or root beer. What’s the big idea?!

Why isn’t Viceland on campus cable anymore?

I hate that I can’t park anywhere on football Saturdays. I also hate that I don’t feel safe at night and I also hate mayonnaise.

How come the office dog isn’t at the office 24/7. Dogs should be a renewable resource, a public good available to all at all times.

I don’t have a kvetch really. I’m just poor and not funny.

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