We the Luddites of The Daily Tar Heel are opposed to any technological advancements to the Student Union. Our parents are about the same age as the current one — should they be torn down? We even like the 1960s Soviet-era architecture. After all, progress is just a mask for furthering capitalistic exploitation.
Gotta go fast
An online petition proposing to change our national anthem to a song from Sonic Adventure 2 has received over 9,000 signatures. The beloved tune from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise evokes feelings in our hearts that the Star-Spangled Banner just can’t. We should be red, white, blue and fast.
An archaic ark
Over the summer, you all may have seen the Ark Encounter advertisements on television. We are not here to debate if Noah actually built an ark, but why should we rebuild it now? And why wasn’t it built to float? Just seems like money poorly spent. Maybe build a school or hospital next time.
Lucky Lochte
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How did Ryan Lochte land a gig on the 23rd season of “Dancing with the Stars”? Sure, he may be the golden retriever puppy of the Olympics team. Sure, you still love your puppy when he gets up to weird mischief at a gas station. But, if you reward trouble you’ll just get more trouble. Learn a little, Lochte. At least try to.
