I’ve seen "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" five times, so I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the right to call my taste in movies “sophisticated." Still, I have standards.
Because I hate myself and wanted to test the strength of human endurance, I decided to watch the 2004 film, "Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2." For the record, this is the third-worst rated film in history, according to IMDB.
For the sake of openness, I’m just going to let you know that I did, in fact, cry halfway through. Not because the film was emotional, but because I realized there were still 45 minutes left.
The film centers on the adventures of four babies who are — you guessed it — geniuses. No real explanation is offered as to why these babies are so smart; they just are. Seriously, the very first scene is four toddlers describing the political climate of Germany circa 1965.
It took me a good 20 minutes to realize that the toddlers weren’t actually saying these lines — it was just clips of kids moving their mouths and with adults’ voices dubbed over. If you think this sounds like a lot of effort to make what should be an animated film into a live action one, you're absolutely right.
The babies idolize another superbaby genius named Kahuna (don’t ask where this name comes from, I have no idea) who travels around the world saving children. He wears a leather jacket and speaks only in cliches, so the other babies are understandably in love with him. His backstory is very tortured and secretive, but we eventually learn it's because he drank liquid glow stick as a child and is now permanently trapped in his 7-year-old body. Tough luck, bud.
Kahuna and the other babies team up to stop the villain from brainwashing the world into watching television for the rest of their lives. Now that's a plot line Michelle Obama can get behind.
It's going well, until Kahuna gets kidnapped. The other babies have to believe in themselves to become superheroes and save the day. These kids have had more identity crises than me, and they're 3.
