Column: Your ultimate guide to everything London

Maybe it’s because I accidentally referred to the Queen the other night as “our Queen” like I’m an actual Brit, but I think I’m getting the hang of this whole London thing. With three friends coming to visit this week (eeeep!) this seems like the perfect time to share my very amateur but hopefully helpful bucket list for London if you ever find yourself here.

First off, it’s the best city in the world because it seems like there’s something new every time you step outside. So know that I’ll inevitably leave parts of London out, but it’s up to you to find them — that’s what makes London so fun.

Here goes:

Fun!

Go to Southbank Centre and see the dozens of shows they put on every season. If you’re under 30, you can sign up for a Listserv that will send you free tickets, because being young and also having money for anything other than laundry at the same time is unheard of in London. Last night, I saw a chamber group perform with a violinist that looked like Sen. Bernie Sanders, so... worth it.

Go to The Breakfast Club, eat your pancakes that don’t really taste like pancakes, then get to the fun part: ask a waiter what’s behind the old fashioned Frigidaire against the wall. If you’re lucky, they will open the fridge to reveal steps down into the restaurant’s basement, a speakeasy. Mind-blowing.

Pubs and bars are of course integral to the culture. Some of the best are: Nightjar, The Queens Head, Clerkenwell & Social, The Blackfriar, Brasserie Zédel and Callooh Callay.

Food!

Go to all and as many street markets as possible. From Borough Market (the biggest) to Camden Market (the edgiest) to the Fine Food Market at the Duke of York Square (the classiest), there’s a gourmet grilled cheese out there waiting for you. Street markets are the best because they’re cheaper than restaurants, and if you start crying at how genuinely beautiful fresh baked bread is, you’ll probably fit right in.

(Other important markets include: Spitalfields Market, where you can buy scarves for £10 that will change your life, and Greenwich Market, which I’ll come back to.)

Indian food is big here. The musts: Imli Street in SoHo and anywhere on Brick Lane. The weird places are the best places: go to Cereal Killer Cafe and pay the same price for a bowl of cereal as you would for a box just because.

Rosa’s Thai Cafe is really good for a really good price.

PERi PERi-salted chips (fries) from Nando’s.

Afternoon tea is a must because pinkies up and all that. I suggest Bea’s of Bloomsbury.

Parks!

If you’re here during the warmer months, be outside and go to the parks as much as possible. I don’t believe this whole myth of constant rain in London (though supposedly I’ll be leaving right before the bleakest season), because it’s been gorgeous overall.

St. James’ Park is my favorite because a little lake stretches throughout it, it’s close to Buckingham Palace and there are these really absurdly large geese that get out of their fence and scare people. Hyde Park and The Regent’s Park and Primrose Hill are all magnificent — it’s impossible to go wrong when exploring the parks. And during the winter, they get even better.

Greenwich Park and Greenwich as a whole is extraordinary. It’s only a short train ride out of London proper, but it feels like you’re getting out of the big city and into a smaller suburb, which is much needed sometimes.

Beauty and culture!

There are the classics — trying to make a guard laugh at Buckingham Palace, seeing the iconic clock attached to Parliament and mistakenly calling it Big Ben (the name of the bell, not the clock! Guilty...), the London Eye, thinking the London Bridge is the same thing as the Tower Bridge, etc. But there’s more!

St. Paul’s Cathedral might just be my favorite spot in London. It’s the most architecturally astounding building I’ve ever seen, and if you take a tour you can climb to the top and get a full view of the city.

The V&A Museum is a well-known design and art museum, but be sure to spend some time in their library for maximum awe. Also, the museums here are free, people. A history nerd’s dream actualized.

I’ve hardly scratched the surface, but hopefully this will help when you make the best decision ever to visit London and discover what it has to offer for yourself.