The arrow shot from Sagittarius’ bow paved the way for Capricorn. Gone is the winter solstice, the symbolic turning of a new leaf for all universal beings. Capricorns, you ambitious, soul-searching children of Saturn, your time is up. You are the zodiac that most closely resembles Rameses, and we’ll see you next year.
F is for Friends
We lost it when President Obama gave his farewell to Vice President Biden. We lost it even more when Biden winked and pointed back at the president. We all deserve friends like that. What two great leaders. Trump and Pence are nowhere near that cute — does Trump even know Pence’s favorite color?
Meet the press
The Daily Tar Worker was disappointed to see it was not invited to the Donald Trump press conference. If the president-elect is so worried about fake news spreading, he needs The Tar Worker. It has never actually published a real story. Our Marxist truth will revolutionize the country.
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VH1’s current reboot of America’s Next Top Model may not feature Tyra Banks herself, but the show’s redesign elevates its hipness. Supermodel Ashley Graham has already imparted invaluable words of encouragement and body positivity to the aspiring models. The show’s not perfect, but we’re watching.
