Life in London: things the British do differently

I’m guessing many readers thought this post was going to be me giving you the scoop on all the different and strange stuff British people do, leading some to feel the inherent superiority and practicality of the way we do things in the U.S.

I really can’t blame you for thinking that, considering I’m the one who titled this week’s entry.

But what I’ve discovered in the past week is that all of the different things British people do actually make so much more sense — here are a few of the things I’ve noticed so far.

Doorknobs tend to be in the middle of the door as opposed to one side.

OK, OK, I know this seems mundane. But stay with me here. It’s actually incredibly interesting and controversial.

At first, this doorknob placement made me very confused about how to open doors.

But then I thought, why do we insist on putting our doorknobs on the right sides of our doors? (Yeah, OK, I know. It’s so that they are far enough away from the hinges to counteract the... blah blah blah, yeah I took physics).

Anyway, it just seems unfair to the left sides of doors.

So really, if you think about it, British doorknobs are inherently more fair than American ones. One point for England!

Another thing British people like to do is act like sardines.

But only on the Tube, which is the British version of the subway or the Metro.

Let me tell you a little story.

The other day, I went to the wrong station on the way to my internship.

Yes, I’d already gone to my internship like five times before that. No, I wasn’t confused at all.

So anyway, I was trying to get on the Tube quickly so I didn’t end up being late.

A surge of people were entering the Tube, so in the spirit of what I hoped was a true Brit, I went along with them.

Huge mistake.

Not only did I found myself incredibly smooshed, I was also barely onto the Tube, with nowhere else to move.

Was I going to get smashed in the closing doors? I wasn’t sure.

The only thing I knew was that the fur from someone’s hood was pressing into my face, while my backside was pressed against what I hoped was someone’s briefcase.

I did survive that trip (and made it on time, in case you were wondering).

Clearly, this experience shows how efficient British people are.

We all risked life, limb, suffocation and sanity to make it to work on time. What dedication. Another point for England!

Also, I’ve noticed British people love to go to parties and then hang out in the kitchen alone, eating cake.

Oh, wait.

That was just me.

swerve@dailytarheel.com