In response to that article, in the spirit of good, clean sports fun and in the spirit of being in the NCAA National Championship (!!!!!!), here are 23 reasons why North Carolina is better than Washington.
1) Colleges
The University of Washington has been around since 1861, but the University of North Carolina is the oldest public university in the United States (we’ve been around since 1795). Sorry, Washington.
2) Mascots
The Tar Heels have a long and storied history, but at least people know 1) what our mascot means and 2) we were able reclaim a bad history and make it a positive thing.
3) Doughnuts
North Carolina is home to one of the most popular doughnut brands in the world, Krispy Kreme. From what we can find, there are not any world-famous doughnut brands from Washington. Thus, Krispy Kreme had to expand its franchise to the west coast.
4) Lighthouses
Washington is great at having lighthouses — 34 in total. But North Carolina has 41 beautiful lighthouses, including the one on Cape Hatteras. Truly iconic.
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5) Writers
We have Charles Kuralt, David Sedaris, Orson Scott Card and Sarah Dessen — among many others. Washington has Glenn Beck. Do with that what you want.
6) Beaches
Both states have gorgeous beaches. But if we’re being size queens about it, Washington has 157 miles of coastline whereas N.C. has 301. That’s almost double the size.
7) Capitol buildings
Washington's capitol building hasn't even been open for a century — it opened in 1928. But North Carolina’s capitol building has been around since 1840. Our capitol before that one suffered a big fire, so that’s just a neat fun fact.
8) NASCAR
We started it, if you’re into that kind of thing. Washington definitely did not.
9) State insect
Washington’s is the green darner dragonfly, which is great. But North Carolina’s is the European honeybee, and that’s the unofficial/official insect of The Daily Tar Heel/Carrboro/Hillsborough/Chapel Hill, probably.
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North Carolina’s beloved basketball coach is daggum Roy. Washington’s most beloved basketball coach from Gonzaga is a Kevin Bacon doppelganger.
11) Legacy
Speaking of Roy Williams, tonight is his 100th NCAA game as a head coach. No matter who you’re rooting for, that’s just impressive.
12) Movies
We’re not the setting of “Twilight."
13) Pirates
North Carolina is low-key the pirate capital of the United States due to the Outer Banks. You’ve heard of Blackbeard, who lived here during his time on land. We can’t find any pirates from Washington.
14) Biscuits
McDonald’s breakfast menus don’t even have biscuits on them in Washington.
Governor Roy Cooper recently declared April as North Carolina Beer Month, making drinking beer every day not just a hobby, but a civic duty. We had it on the Oregon list, but it bears repeating.
16) Art
North Carolina was the first state to establish a state art museum. Shouts out to the North Carolina Museum of Art — y’all are great, and history is on your side to prove that.
17) Anthems
Both states are home to a lot of great musicians, but there are way better anthems about North Carolina.
When Jimmy Buffett writes a song about your state, you know it’s the place to be.
18) State vegetable
Washington is home of the Walla Walla Sweet Onion, but North Carolina is the largest producer of the sweet potato in the U.S. If you need proof that sweet potatoes are better, here’s a picture of Linda’s sweet potato tots.
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19) Animals
Washington’s state animal is the Olympic marmot. What the fuck is a marmot? Only Washington knows.
20) Bojangles
We know we talked about Cook Out last time. We’re not sure what Burgerville is, but every North Carolinian knows it’s Bo Time.
21) Berries
Washington doesn’t have a state berry, but we do. North Carolina’s state berries, strawberries and blueberries, are objectively the two best berries — aside from Joel Berry, of course.
North Carolina has arguably the best sports rivalry around in the Battle of the Blues. We’re pretty sure Gonzaga is the N.C. State of Washington — no real rivals.
23) Championships
If you combine the number of times each Washington men's basketball team has appeared in the NCAA national championship — including this year’s game — you have two. Today is UNC’s 13th appearance in the championship.
