Perry Carter (The Suite Life) and Derek Fulton (The Suit Life) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: Dear Perry,
I just got engaged!
I hate that I can’t show you the ring because this is a written submission.
I’m super overjoyed, but, oh my gosh, how am I going to balance senior year and planning a wedding?
Blissfully,
Bride 2 B(eat Dook)
You Asked For It:
Congratulations! I say that because you have achieved something?
Senior year of college is anxiety-inducing on its own.
There’s pressure to make plans after graduation, people are leaving and you want to say goodbye, and maybe you have financial woes. And, in the middle of all of that, you’re trying to do a major life level-up!
Hang in there, girl. Mama, having been in 3 (count ‘em) short-term relationships in college, I’ve got a few tips to help you stay sane as you complete your MRS degree:
1. Your wedding hashtag can be your something borrowed.
It takes a lot creative energy to come up with a social media hashtag that is punny and efficiently combines both of your names.
By the time you have a good one, you’re too tired to study for that PR Writing exam!
Save time and effort by having guests use UNC’s official hashtag #GDTBATH on their instas of your wedding. You still go here, so why not?
2. Unlimited swipes = unlimited guests.
Their extended family are big eaters, but your food budget is small. Don’t fret suffragette! lol
Consider CDS the official caterer of your nuptials.
With just your One Card, you can give guests a multi-course international dining experience that includes dessert!
Speaking of which, is it cool if your wedding cake is a stack of sugar cookies?
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3. Your wedding venue: “more than a building”
The Carolina Inn is nice, but the Carolina Union is the right price.
Book now through Reserve Carolina: https://carolinaunion.unc.edu/meetings-events/reserve.
You: Dear Derek,
A few of the new trees outside Genome Sciences Building are really getting on my nerves.
One sapling in particular is really razzing my berries. Like, it’s really asking for it.
I think I am going to have to explosively get rid of it.
Do you think that's a feasible idea?
You Asked For It:
Too soon, man, too soon.
