Column: First year isn't as easy as we pretend

The first semester of my first year at UNC was lonely — deeply lonely. I finally knew what people meant when they said that you can be surrounded by a huge group of people, but still feel like you are all alone. 

I was just one student on my professor’s 300-person roster. I was just one of the 100 girls at the party. I was just one of the 50,000 fans at the football game. 

I had heard things like, “College will be the best four years of your life,” and “nothing compares to your first year.” I hoped that nothing would compare to the season of life that I was in. Was this really the best that life had to offer?

People would ask me how I was doing.

I wanted to say, “I’m not doing well.” I wanted to say, “My soul aches.” I wanted to yell, “I am really tired.”

But instead, I said — “Everything is great. I love college.” 

I didn’t want to tell my parents. I was the one who had decided to move 1,656 miles from the suburbs of Denver, Colo., to Chapel Hill. 

I didn't want to tell my friends. Seeing their photos flood my social media feed only reaffirmed my feeling — I was the only one who was struggling with the transition.

I wasn’t. After the first year of college came to a close, people started to open up, saying things like: “My first year was not that great,” and “I feel so lost.” 

This was news to me. It had seemed like they had been having the time of their lives — and I, too, had made people think that I was having the time of my life. We are great at deceiving others and making it look like we are OK. 

I thought back to the classmates that I had sat next to every day during lectures. I started to remember the faces that I had passed by at parties and the people that I had cheered alongside at the football games. I passed by them every day, but I didn’t really see them.

I had been so absorbed with myself — how I was doing, how I felt and what I was going through. If I had looked up, I may have realized that some of them had been feeling the exact same way. They, too, were hurting. Their souls ached. Like me, they yearned for something more — for deep friendships, for meaning and for purpose. 

So often, we run away from discomfort and want nothing to do with it. We search for the easy fix. We want to experience the mountain peaks of life, but not the valleys. But, I look back at that semester with fondness because the story did not end there. 

Seasons come, and seasons go. 

Whether you experienced a valley your first year or sophomore year — or you are experiencing it at this very moment — hold on. It’s going to be OK.

This season, like all of the others, will pass.

opinion@dailytarheel.com