I rarely write movie reviews, but there comes a time when one mediocre movie blows up and consequently threatens the integrity of the entire filmverse. This is such a time, and “A Star Is Born” is such a movie.
“What do you mean, Maeve?” you may be asking. “Everyone on campus is talking about ‘A Star Is Born.’ It’s a fresh take on a classic love story.”
It isn’t. It’s a boring, overdone tale about two hateable characters, wrought with lame foreshadowing and shameless pandering during its disastrously long run time.
Let’s start with the man behind the vanity project: Bradley Cooper. I love Bradley Cooper. We all love Bradley Cooper. But does this mean we have to love listening to Bradley Cooper play nondescript country songs in a voice that we have not yet heard for a reason? To this I say, “Please no.”
Cooper’s performance of an unconvincing and unoriginal drunk must be due in part to lazy acting and in part to dialogue that reads like a Madlib made up entirely of clichés. This was quite a disappointment from the man who gave us the performance of a lifetime in “American Sniper,” leaving me to wonder whether the only research Cooper did for this film included watching reruns of “Lou Grant” and going a few days without washing his hair.
And Lady Gaga? I’m a fan. “Yoü and I” is a banger and her part in “Shallow” has admittedly been stuck in my head since my fateful “A Star Is Born” viewing at The Varsity. That said — and my apologies to the makers of “Glee,” who obviously held her at the pinnacle of artistry — she is no Barbra Streisand.
Everyone gasps. But this is not a knock on Lady Gaga. There is only one Barbra Streisand and none of us should attempt to measure up in any capacity. But the remake of any film draws an unavoidable comparison between the actors of each version, and when compared to Streisand herself, Gaga cannot help but fall short.
And the pandering … the sick, exhausting pandering. The makers of “A Star Is Born” wanted us to like it so badly that they catered to any wish we could possibly have from a movie, even at the risk of quality. When you felt yourself getting bored halfway through? They brought in a dog. When Ally’s rise to fame got too vague to be interesting? They set a show on “Saturday Night Live.”
“But we love dogs! We love SNL!” And I love Funfetti cake, but I will think less of any restaurant that pairs it with every meal. We should hold filmmakers to the same standards.
