To: Obama, Love, Edit Board

Dear Michelle’s Husband,

First of all, how dare you? 

We all know that you’re a UNC fan, so why would you ever want to set foot in that terrible place known as Cameron Indoor Stadium?

You scrimmaged with the UNC team in 2008, picked UNC to win the NCAA Tournament three times while you were in office and hosted the team after winning the National Championship in 2009. You even have a customized UNC jersey, given to you by Roy Williams himself.

Let’s be real here – Dook SUCKS. Like, majorly. They sleep OUTSIDE in tents for more than A MONTH to get tickets to their OWN games.

They don’t love you like we love you, Barack. 

We love you so much that we sprinted across campus in the pouring rain when we heard a rumor that you were here. Two hundred of us, rushing across the quad, waiting for you by our historic Old Well — waiting for you, Barack.

We love you so much that the thought of your daughter Sasha attending the same school as us makes us all want to be her best friend. We promise she’ll find a home here at UNC.

We love you so much that we stood outside, suffering in the broiling heat when you came to visit in 2016. #neverforget #comebackin2020?

Roy Williams might be the head coach, but you’re the true inspiration behind UNC men's basketball. Don’t leave us hanging, Barack. We need you. 

Clearly, you’re our good luck charm. If anything, the game on Wednesday proved that. 

And now, people are WRONGLY claiming you’re a Duke fan because you chose to go to their campus and not ours. You need to set the record straight, Barack. Being called a Dook fan is the worst insult anyone could ever receive. 

To make it up to us, you can attend the home game on March 9 and give all of the Editorial Board a signed photograph. That’s the only way we will forgive you. (Or let your daughter come to our school.)

Much love,

The DTH Editorial Board

P.S. Will you be our new chancellor? Or ask Michelle, we love her, too.