Not everyone’s head over heels for Valentine’s Day

For many students, Valentine’s Day represents an entire holiday dedicated to rom-coms, gifts and heart-shaped goods. But for some students, Valentine’s Day comes with pressure, complicated gender dynamics and some pretty awkward experiences. 

Senior Lura McCraw feels Valentine’s Day forces certain expectations for relationships. McCraw said that in her case, this societal pressure turned one emerging relationship contrived and awkward. McCraw said she had been on a few group dates with someone before Valentine’s Day and when the day actually arrived, they had very different understandings of their relationship status.

McCraw said she was at lunch with her friends for an informal Galentine’s celebration, when the boy she had been casually seeing asked to meet her. 

“He showed up with a 3-foot tall white and red teddy bear, a dozen chocolate-covered strawberries, and he drove into the parking lot to surprise me," said McCraw. "I didn’t know what to do at this point. I tried saying I didn’t want it, but he insisted ... needless to say, we did not go on another date after that.” 

McCraw said the high expectations and social pressures for romantic relationships surrounding Valentine’s Day were to blame for the misunderstanding. 

“I think he was expecting that since it was Valentine’s Day and we had been on a few dates that it meant it would fast-forward our relationship,” said McCraw. “Valentine’s Day is such a big romantic holiday that everyone feels like they need to be in love.”

After this memorable Valentine’s Day, McCraw said she still likes the concept of dedicating an entire day to celebrating close relationships. However, McCraw said she does not appreciate the pressure for big gestures, having experienced this pressure firsthand.  She said that in her current relationship, rather than focus on a contrived gesture, she would much rather go on a casual date night. 

McCraw also said she doesn’t like that Valentine’s Day drives people to find and often force a romantic relationship. She said that many of her friends fear being alone on Valentine’s Day because of the societal expectation of the holiday as a celebration of strictly romantic love. McCraw said she now appreciates alternative celebrations such as Galentine’s Day.

“We can share love in different ways," said McCraw. "The cultural expectation is to have a huge romantic love rather than a friendship love or a family love. Valentine’s Day can be about every kind of love.” 

Sophomore Bailey Fattorusso said Valentine’s Day has become too much about the material goods and less about celebrating love in all its forms. 

“I feel like there is a lot of pressure for people to have the biggest and the best, and have this great, amazing picturesque time, but that’s not the point of Valentine’s Day," said Fattorusso. "The point of Valentine’s Day is to spend time with your loved one and have a memorable time, not necessarily who had the most roses or who had the biggest box of chocolates.” 

Fattorusso is an advocacy co-chairperson for Carolina Advocates for Gender Equity, a student organization that aims to make UNC a more tolerable and accepting campus for all. Fattorusso, as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, said the commercialization of Valentine’s Day imposes a specific ideal relationship that isn’t inclusive. 

“It is really frustrating not to see yourself represented," said Fattorusso. "Whenever you see talks of Valentine’s Day, it’s always the stereotypical cisgender, heterosexual couple — the beautiful, skinny woman and the buff, big, masculine man. It’s frustrating not to see yourself or your relationships represented there.” 

Fiona Docherty, a first-year student, said Valentine’s Day has become too materialistic. She feels the commercialized nature of the holiday makes grand gestures inauthentic. 

“I’m not vehemently opposed to Valentine’s Day, but it has never been something I’ve made a big deal out of, even when I was in a relationship," said Docherty. "It seems less genuine to put so much pressure on one day being the day you treat your significant other really well.” 

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