Dear trees,
We get it. You have sex. You reproduce. But can you please not do it all over our campus? I mean, at least wear a condom. Come on.
All we want is to be able to step outside without feeling like we’ve stepped into a Coldplay song. Everything is yellow. Especially the sidewalks – we ought to just start calling them the yellow brick road.
And to think we were all so excited for spring. Now we finally know what they mean when they say everything comes at a price.
The trees blooming by Carroll Hall are pretty, but pretty doesn’t pay the bills — and it certainly doesn’t pay for all the Claritin you’ve been forced to buy in the past month.
Sure, the flowers near the Old Well are beautiful (assuming your eyes stop watering long enough for you to get a good look).
And sunbathing on Polk Place is fun, right? That is, as long as you don’t mind being covered in yellow dust.
People keep asking us if we’re crying, and they don’t believe us when we say it’s just allergies. But we really are telling the truth (most of the time — finals are coming up, after all)!
Oh, by the way, does anyone remember what breathing feels like? Because we don’t — we lost the ability to do that back in March. We just want to be able to step outside without getting attacked by plant sperm. Is that too much to ask?
