The greatest rivalry in sports has dropped out of the NCAA Tournament, and now it’s time for the college basketball legends to decide what their future is going to look like.
On the broken-brick laden streets of UNC, most of us are still reeling from the ecstasy and agony of losing both Coby White and Nassir Little to the bright futures they both deserve. Others, mostly just ESPN, are still eagerly waiting the choice from one rather special player. We’re talking about, of course, the linebacker-turned-terrifying-acrobat Zion Williamson.
So, in the midst of all the talking heads aggressively dissecting every possible path Zion could take, here is our take: Zion, buddy, please just go to the NBA so we can actually enjoy watching you play.
You know just as well as we do, Zion, that all rivalries run deep, and the one we share with that place in Durham you play for probably runs the deepest. Hating D00k is as natural for a Tar Heel as breathing; it’s an instinct we have no power to resist. But, in the rarest of moments, you have tested that instinct. You have forced us into conversations where we had to say that your dunk last night wasn’t that impressive, knowing very well that we literally fell off the couch when it happened. You have actually made us feel something adjacent to guilt for making memes about D00k players, always qualifying our barbs with, “but I hear he’s a nice guy.”
For that, we have to commend you Zion, although we will never apologize for the memes. Instead let’s just leave it at saying that, when you go to the NBA, we are prepared to be genuinely impressed. You are a wild player to watch, and it has taken all of our effort to maintain our composure every time you did something truly ridiculous and we had to grit our teeth and tell ourselves that it wasn’t that cool. The fact of the matter is that it was that cool.
It will honestly be such a stress reliever to have you go the NBA. Of course, because we actually get to enjoy your crazy playing style, but also because you were really the only player on that team we had any reason to fear. You deserved better than D00k, Zion. You deserved better than Coach K. You deserved better than the Elite Eight. It pains us to think what could have been if you hadn’t turned to the dark side. But let’s just put this all behind us. We all love watching amazing players, and we’re ready to love watching you. All you have to do is take a long look in the mirror and realize that, no matter how high the dunk, no matter how smart the play, D00k blue never looked good on anyone.
