Column: Six places on campus you need to know about as an incoming student

We here at The Daily Tar Heel take our responsibility to inform you, the public, very seriously. If you're reading this in our print edition, it means you're a fresh, yet-to-be disgruntled face to UNC's campus, and therefore it is our job to give you the low-down, the what's what or the lay of the land, if you will. 

First floor bathroom of Davis Library 

A cursed place. I cannot articulate how awful of a bathroom it is. If Davis Library is an analogy for Dante's Inferno, then this bathroom is level nine. It is frequently trafficked, and its unique smell will stick to your clothes for weeks. It's preferable to leave the building entirely if nature calls, rather than taint your immortal soul by visiting such a place. How the best library has the worst bathroom is beyond comprehension.

Campus Y/Meantime Cafe

The center of most social justice activities on UNC's campus also houses the best place to get coffee. Located in a former YMCA building, it's been years since anyone attempted some hearty calisthenics here outside of a good protest march (get your steps in AND make a change in the world). You might also catch a few glares if you start doing the Y-M-C-A dance while people are trying to work. The couches are comfortable if you can grab one, but sometimes the baristas insist on playing SZA at 9 a.m. and that's a weird vibe. 

Fetzer Gym

Thought you had escaped the awkward, sweaty environment of a high school gym class? Think again! Odds are you will enroll in one of UNC's world-famous LFIT classes, most of which take place here. It is exactly as uncomfortable as you imagine a gym class of college students would be. Rumor is there's a racquetball court somewhere in the bowels of Fetzer, hidden behind a series of traps, puzzles and a very uncooperative club volleyball team. 

Coker Arboretum

The favored spot for the campus whistler. A good spot to watch birds, and then very quickly tire of the birds when they refuse to stop chirping. The arboretum hosts many an over-ambitious picnic date/get-together that you might attempt in the fall before growing frustrated by the ants that keep crawling over your sandwiches. 

Chase Dining Hall

The former Rams Dining Hall. A needlessly renamed building on campus, opposed to those other buildings that really, really needed to be renamed. They have fried chicken for lunch on Wednesdays, which might be out of the way, but is worth the hike if you can make it. Chase's crown jewel is "Late Night," which serves breakfast food from 9 p.m. to midnight, and is filled with people who won't judge you for eating three bowls of frosted flakes before bed. 

Alpine Bagel

A sanctuary for the hungry, the downtrodden or for those (like this reporter) who simply need to consume at least one bagel a day to survive. Sure they serve "normal" sandwiches with "bread," but to order such a thing would be a great faux pas. The Bagel of the Week provides the highest highs (parmesan everything) and the lowest lows (spinach) that one can experience at Chapel Hill. Don't be the person who orders a sausage egg & cheese on a cinnamon raisin bagel. Seriously, don't be that person. 

@bg_keyes