Column: If COVID-19 were a YouTuber

If COVID-19 were a YouTuber, it would be doing scarily well. 

Just look at how viral it’s gone over the past year. In January, COVID-19 was just something quickly mentioned in the news cycle, like an advertisement for your neighborhood plumber. It came over on an airplane with hopes of taking over the world someday.

Suddenly in March, it became the talk of the town. COVID-19 quickly became a household name as it unknowingly began to achieve the American dream. 

If COVID-19 were a YouTuber, it would be celebrating right now. 

It would be posting an unboxing video of their certified YouTube Diamond Creator Award that commemorates them on getting 10 million subscribers in the United States — a major milestone for something that wasn’t even notable a year ago.

If COVID-19 were a YouTuber, it would be preparing for a special Thanksgiving video in hopes of increasing its following.

COVID-19 doesn’t want you to be safe this holiday season. It wants to continue to rack up high numbers. The video would provide tips for Thanksgiving, detailing the most unsafe ways to spend the holidays during the pandemic. 

The first tip would be to gather in the largest group you can find. Dozens and dozens of people would need to be packed into one house.

The second tip would be to not wear masks, because you know what they say, "Viruses need days off too." The virus will be celebrating Thanksgiving as well, so need to worry about it.

The third tip would be to make sure to share all utensils. It’s OK, and actually encouraged, to eat and drink after all the family members. You are family anyway. The virus has a ‘no infecting family’ rule.

And the last and most important tip is to cough. Cough everywhere, on everything. Don’t cover your mouth. Just let the particles fly in every direction: in the mac and cheese, the rolls and the turkey. Not one spot of the house should be germless by the time the feast is finished. 

The terrible messaging that would be in that video wouldn’t be much different from messages that influencers have been spreading throughout the pandemic. They’ve been at parties and traveling overseas, not as worried about the devastation that the virus has caused millions of people. 

If COVID-19 were a YouTuber, it would be about time to cancel it.

I’m not one to buy into cancel culture, but aren’t you all tired of the COVID-19 news cycle and the reign that it holds, claiming 10 million cases in the United States alone?

It’s time to take power back by being responsible, wearing a mask and social distancing. 

It’s time to finally hit the stop button on this long COVID-19 YouTube video, and hit play on the part of our lives that was paused back in March.

@trev_stev

opinion@dailytarheel.com