Column: No Coursicle? No problem.

It’s the most stressful part of the year. 

Finals season is approaching, March Madness brackets are deteriorating before our eyes and the pressure of finding summer internships is near. But there’s a bigger stressor upon us — the only event that has ever made me angry enough to even consider punching a wall. 

It’s class registration time. 

We've grown used to the inconceivably confusing and difficult process that is course registration. The ConnectCarolina glitches, the seven random classes you added to your shopping cart in a late-night fever, the realization that your enrollment time slot is three weeks behind everyone else’s for no apparent reason. 

But this year, another challenge has been thrown our way. Our one lifeboat has sunk, our only parachute has disappeared and we’re about to go skydiving: Coursicle is down. 

Year after year, we've taken Coursicle for granted. It was such an easy, accessible way to plan our schedules each semester. It’s color-coded for clarity and has access to all of the different class attributes that we need for graduation. It was the one tab on my browser that I never closed. 

But after Coursicle’s owner (a UNC alumnus) went on a vengeful internet purge, UNC banned Coursicle from being used on campus WiFi. With Eduroam and Coursicle in a stalemate fiercer than the possibility of nuclear war, the options for planning our class schedules may seem bleak, but you’re in luck. 

Thanks to confidential research techniques (not YikYak) and journalistic edge, I have identified five other simple, straightforward methods to plan out your schedule. You can thank me later. 

Draw it in the dirt with a stick.

We’ve all been that kid who sits outside during recess and draws in the dirt with a stick. And while most of us left the grubby hands and lunch boxes back in kindergarten, why should we have to leave the dirt behind? The dirt and stick method is a revolutionary method of communicating and retaining information. History has shown us from the age of the cavemen to ancient Roman inscriptions that when life gives you a rock-like substance, you draw on it with a stick. 

And while we are now lucky enough to have the gift of paper and pen, this timeless method is the perfect way to connect with nature while planning out your 10:10 a.m. class. 

The day before the next wave of registration, UNC will be opening up the entire quad for campus-wide dirt drawing, but just be sure to avoid the dirt under the tent. (I don’t even want to know what’s under there.)

Make it into a memory game.

Read this list of words and spend 30 seconds memorizing them. Then, close your eyes and try to remember as many as you can.

Dog

Frog

Log

Pot

Button 

Dirt

Stick

Blank

Cat

Rat

How’d you do? Personally, I only got four of them. This simple game says a lot about the way our brains work: As our generation's attention spans are becoming shorter and shorter, it’s become harder for us to focus on and retain information. Thus, memory games are a great way to exercise your brain.

Now, try memorizing this list:

SPAN 204-004: TuTh, 2-3:15 p.m., Pello Huesa, Dey Hall 2403, 

WGST 253-002: MoWeFri, 12:30-1:20 p.m., Sharon James, Phillips Hall 230

ECON 410-001: MoWeFri, 5-5:50 p.m., Michelle Sheran-Andrews, Genome Science Building

COMP 110-003: TuTh, 9:30-10:45 a.m., Kris Jordan, Sitterson Hall 310

MEJO 121-001: MoWe: 2-3:15 p.m., Lindsay King, Carroll Hall 100

MEJO 153-001: TuTh, 8-9:15 a.m., Ryan Thornburg, Carroll Hall 420

ENGL 143-001: TuTh, 3-4:45 p.m., Bradley Hammer, Greenlaw Hall 307

HIST 127-003: MoWeFri, 11-11:50 a.m., Kathleen DuVal, Chapman Hall 204

GEOL 500-006: MoWeFri, 12:30-1:20 p.m., Megan Plenge, Murphey Hall 004

CLAS 280-001: MoWe, 4-5:45 p.m., Sharon James, Greenlaw Hall 210

I got all 10 of them! Thank you Coursicle — my brain has never felt stronger.

Get it tattooed somewhere on your body.

Forget the artful butterfly on your right shoulder that you’ve been saving up for because it reminds you of the bond you have with the women in your life. Getting your schedule tattooed on your body is a great way to organize your classes and look cool doing it. 

To make this method even more accessible, Chapel Hill tattoo shops are offering a BOGO deal* for any UNC student hoping to tattoo their class options on their hand, stomach, foot or thigh (the discount does not apply to tramp stamps.) 

*If you end up switching out of the class, the tattoo shops are even willing to do tattoo removal for half-price (but full-pain, unfortunately). Make sure to bring your UNC OneCard and a supportive friend to hold your hand!

Have your friends lay down and spell out your schedule with their bodies

This strategy is a great way to plan out your classes while having fun with friends. First, find a big open space where no one can interfere: that one Franklin Street lot with $200 parking tickets, the Dean Dome while our team’s in New Orleans or the bottom of Lenoir at 3:30 p.m. (sorry Chick-Fil-A). 

Then, gather 30 of your closest friends. Have them all lie down and spell out your classes with their arms, legs and torsos, while you look on like the conductor of an orchestra. If you want to consider a different class period, just yell at your friend Andrew to slide down from 10:30 a.m. to 11:45 a.m. 

(Warning: if you ended up going with the parking lot, Andrew might skin his knees and elbows — but at least you’ll have figured out your recitation.) 

ANDREW, I SAID 11:45, NOT 12:45! Hey, where are you going? You’re just going to walk away from this, after I laid in the Pit last year and single-handedly helped you spell out your entire Fall semester schedule? Yeah, walk away — walk away like you always do!

…Sorry about that— having 29 friends works, too.

Vandalism

I am not condoning this action, but if you can’t find a stick and dirt, I’ve heard that there are lots of Duke campus buildings with empty white walls just begging to be spray-painted with “ROML 152.” 

(And no, I didn’t hear it on YikYak — why does everyone think I get my information from YikYak?)

I hope this list helps you organize your classes and feel on track for next semester. 

No matter which of these options you go for, I know each and every one of you will be more than satisfied with your final schedule. Coursicle may have fallen, but that doesn’t mean our spirits have to go down with it. I’m looking forward to seeing our student body come together under the trials and tribulations of registration through dirt-drawing, tattoo-getting, class-memorizing, (not) wall-vandalizing and body-spelling.

P.S.…Okay fine, you can also just go off of WiFi and plan out your schedule on the Coursicle app on your phone. 

@_hannahkaufman

opinion@dailytarheel.com