Column: Ready, Set, Rate My Professors

As we return to campus this fall and start wondering if we will like the classes we’ve enrolled in, it’s inevitable to ponder the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Will I make friends in my classes? Will the course subject be difficult, or can I sleep through my 8 a.m. every day and still pass with flying colors? Will I need to reserve a study room for the first time in my three years at UNC?

Yet, the most nerve-racking question doesn’t center around the course itself, but rather the professor who controls our grades, workload and sometimes even our emotions.

Right now you might be thinking ‘Professor? I hardly know her!’ While this clever pun may be distracting due to its inherent comedy, it has some truth to it — we all hardly know her. How can we truly know what to expect from our professor when everyone’s opinions are subjective, and one student may have had an entirely different experience with a professor than another?

If we’ve never stepped foot in the classroom, how can we ever KNOW her? Well, the one way to find an average value and identify outliers is to compile a large number of opinions, and lucky for us, there’s already a website that does just that. And no, it’s not Yik Yak.

Welcome to my Rate My Professors Roundup. My Rodeo of Rankings. My Rad Review Rendezvous. 

Below, I have included some real reviews I found on Rate My Professors for our beloved Carolina faculty. Okay, fine, some of them are more real than others — but feel free to use these as inspiration for future posts of your own.

October 30, 2021

Grade: C-

Rating: ★★

Does anyone need a slutty costume idea for Halloween? Just dress up like Professor McAnderson — she’s hardly covered anything this semester!

December 10, 2005

Grade: B+

Rating: ★

The biggest regret of my life is that I didnt listen when other English students tried to convince me not too take any class’s with Pletzer. She is literally awful. All of my stress, disappointment; and frustration come from this course..I have nothing left to loose! I spent so much time on this class and ended up with unfair grading—their is no way to make this right. Irregardless, I’m going to listen to Panic! At the Disco to work through my rage. Goodluck! XD

February 28, 2013

Grade: Really good

Rating: ★★★

Professor Fielder is kind of a weird guy. He kept insisting that we call him by his first name, Nathan, and honestly made most social interactions really uncomfortable this semester. When I came to him for advice on one of my Business School projects to help a failing seafood restaurant on Franklin St., he insisted that I find a way to build a pipeline from the Atlantic Ocean right into Chapel Hill to flood our streets with fresh, delicious fish. I told him I wouldn’t have time since my project is due tomorrow, and he just kind of winked awkwardly at me and backed away? If Chapel Hill floods tomorrow, I swear it’s not my fault!

March 12, 2020

Grade: C+

Rating: ★

My time with Professor Poopalah was emotionally and physically taxing. She held her classes in the first-floor Davis Library bathrooms, and while I know the class was a philosophy course on embarrassment and vulnerability, I think I got to know my classmates a little TOO well. Breaking social norms is one thing, but breaking them while sitting on a toilet next to my peers was quite another. Her grading scale was also pretty unconventional: A for Absolutely great poop, B for Bowel movement, C for Constipation, D for Diarrhea… etc.

April 9, 2016

Grade: A-

Rating: ★★★★★

Preacher Gary may seem scary to some, but as a Christian who was raised the right way under His guidance, I liked what he had to say! He's very accessible outside of class, and you’ll never have to ask him to speak up. Textbooks are required for his lectures, so make sure to bring a Bible and a hate-spewing, God-fearing mindset.

March 14, 2010

Grade: B

Rating: 3.1415926 stars

Man, Professor Chris loves to talk. Even for a calculus professor, he wouldn’t stop going on tangents! LOL

February 15, 2022

Grade: A-

Rating: ★★★★

Professor Stylington was a great art teacher, but I did have one problem with her. I understand that sometimes professors need to cancel class due to extenuating circumstances, but I find it a little hard to believe that during this semester her house caught on fire, she tested positive for COVID-19 five times, she lost two family members who also happened to be twins, her dog ate all her art supplies, she fell down the Student Stores stairs, she got food poisoning from a bad Alpine bagel, a Davis librarian chased her around with a book because she was caught eating said bagel inside Davis Library and she had a rabies scare due to what she thought was a domesticated squirrel. I believe all of them except for the Student Stores story — who even uses those stairs? That’s why we have escalators!

September 24, 2021

Grade: F

Rating: ★

I know LFITs are meant to challenge you, but when I signed up for the Football and Fun LFIT with Coach Brown, I didn’t realize it meant I was getting an official roster spot on Carolina’s football team! I thought we’d just be playing flag football all semester, and now I have my first game as a linebacker against Notre Dame tomorrow. I guess I should’ve known when Drake Maye, Josh Downs and 15,000 UNC fans showed up on FDOC in Kenan Stadium. SMH

Although some of these reviews may sound a little daunting, I’m sure you will love your professors this semester. I’ve had professors that made their course one of the most meaningful experiences of my life, and I suggest you try to form a personal connection with as many faculty members as you can, no matter how football-loving, poop-friendly or God-fearing they are. 

But if you don’t end up liking your professor, there’s still something you can do that will keep them awake at night, tossing and turning for hours on end. The one thing that will make them hate the face that looks back at them in the mirror. A quick action that can affect every facet of their life, from the success of their marriage to their diminishing love for education and academia as a whole.

Hop on Rate My Professors and rate your professor today.

@_hannahkaufman

opinion@dailytarheel.com