Satire: Haters and fans, 'Swiftly' get a life

My greatest fear is that I’ll never escape Taylor Swift discourse.

I hear her name everywhere — she's become more polarizing than Trump vs. Biden. I cannot seem to escape the discourse that surrounds whether or not Swift is overrated or if she deserved that fourth Album of the Year win. It’s so much so that I can’t seem to decide who’s worse: her haters, or her fans. 

You might think, who cares? Well, the answer is me. I care.

I’ve taken it upon myself to collectively decide who is the worst group – Swift fans (I can’t bring myself to type out her fandom's name on account of the fact that I am in my 20’s) or Taylor Swift haters. 

I’ll begin by examining Swift herself. In my professional opinion, she makes good music. I understand where her fans are coming from when they tout her lyrics, a significant portion of her songs are very well written. 

When haters combat her songwriting ability, I question their intentions. See, it’s fine not to think an artist makes good music, but when I see the haters zone in on this, it’s often hidden behind a general misogyny. “Taylor Swift only writes songs about her exes” and ”Taylor Swift is overrated” are two of several critiques I’ve heard of her. 

Reducing a woman’s entire discography to breakup music when that simply isn’t the case is grossly misinformed. So what if every single one of her songs was about a boy?

Music is an art, an outlet, and there’s nothing wrong with expressing your boy problems in songs. It’s hating on women for having feelings — and it’s why I think the haters lose in this category.  

On top of that, I can’t think of a more unintelligent critique of music than “overrated.” Music, regardless of how bad you think it is, is an art. If it doesn’t connect with you, or you think it's the worst thing on the planet that’s totally understood, but to suggest that your taste in music is so superior that you are able to determine whether an artist is incorrectly rated by the general public indicates a serious ego problem (also, it’s 2023, thinking Swift is overrated is not a profound opinion, stop declaring it like it's some world-shattering view). 

Anyways, that’s enough defense of Swift. Sure, her music is great, but we aren’t gonna be able to listen to it much longer if she doesn’t quit the private jet travel before she single-handedly destroys the planet. 

That’s the issue with the Swift fans, their love for her doesn’t stop at the music — it’s all encompassing. Celebrity idolization is no new phenomenon, but the extent to which Swift’s fans form attachments to somebody they don’t even know is alarming and scary.

When we idolize celebrities we fail to acknowledge their complicity in the world issues they further — or even create.

Take for example, the great debate over whether or not Swift will make it to the Super Bowl in time to see her boyfriend Travis Kelce play following her concert in Tokyo. Call me a buzzkill, but Swift taking her private jet halfway across the planet to see a three hour football game isn’t funny or cute. It's a reflection of how detached these celebrities are, and we’re idolizing it. 

One report found that in just 7 months in 2022, Swift took 170 flights, equaling over 8,000 tons of CO2 emissions (the average person’s yearly total emissions is 1,000 times less than this). These CO2 emissions are actively destroying the environment. 

People, animals and entire ecosystems are being displaced and destroyed by the grandiose lifestyles these celebrities are living. Swift has every right to contribute to the destruction of the climate, it’s her money — but what I’m not so sure about is why are we celebrating it? 

It’s for this reason I dislike Swift’s fans so much. They can’t disconnect the music from how truly unethical and dystopian-like Swift actually is. Maybe Swift’s fans should spend less time calling her  “mother” and devote a little more time focusing on the mother who actually matters — Mother Earth. 

All in all, I don’t think there’s a clear answer as to who’s worse: fans or haters. All of you guys suck.

Nobody cares that you don’t like Taylor Swift: get a life. Nobody cares that you do like Taylor Swift. Get a life. 

@dthopinion

opinion@dailytarheel.com