Review: Zynternet culture hawks America tuah the right

No matter what side of the internet you reside on, there is one thing we have all heard over and over since it originated in June earlier this year: “You gotta give 'em that 'hawk tuah' and spit on that thang.”

“Hawk Tuah Girl,” formally known as Hailey Welch, gained quick popularity over the summer, extending her mere 15 minutes of fame into her own empire, including her podcast titled “Talk Tuah.”

The joke itself has a postmodern ironic quality about it. Even I, someone who previously found the saying unbearable, now find myself making hawk tuah puns in casual conversation. 

Something about hawk tuah felt almost urgent, like it could be the tip of a cultural iceberg, warning us of its effects on America’s political landscape. To further investigate, I spent three hours listening to "Talk Tuah" so hopefully no one else has to. 

I began my descent in-tuah madness with episode one, which was incredibly dim-witted. Despite Welch’s best efforts, conversations with her guests and accompanying best friend Chelsea Bradford, fell flat. 

However, I did realize while listening that although "Talk Tuah" does not discuss politics directly, it still felt a bit charged. Welch uses her vulgar vocabulary and rowdy voice to charm her viewers, a simple but successful strategy I’ve seen before.

This tactic is used throughout what journalist Max Read has coined the “Zynternet,” a reference to Zyn nicotine pouches. The Zynternet is characterized by fraternity-adjacent internet culture, including apolitical but allusively conservative media brands and activities like Barstool Sports and gambling. 

As Welch rose to fame, she was immediately absorbed by the Zynternet. However, unlike most of that culture, Welch has infiltrated all areas of the internet. She has transcended Zynternet boundaries, a cultural signal that, to me, means that America is shifting further right.

I had some hope though, as an openly-gay guest made an appearance on Talk Tuah, dancer and internet personality JoJo Siwa. Surely this would stray away from the Zynternet?

I was correct. Siwa and Welch fit well together, and the two discussed topics ranging from Siwa’s rhinestone jockstrap to Welch’s three-year long situationship known as “Pookie.”

This episode was miles away from the Zynternet and created a broader audience for Welch, as it brought in more of the left leaning, LGBTQ+ side of the internet. After watching Welch interact with Siwa, I quickly realized that any politically charged commentary in the previous episode had come from a guest, not Welch herself. 

At this point I’d heard so much about this “Pookie” guy that I had no other choice but to watch episode 10, “INTRODUCING POOKIE.” And, to no surprise, Pookie was the most average guy ever. (Personally, not someone I’d have a situationship with, no judgment to Welch.)

However, with each anecdote Welch and Pookie shared about their relationship’s history, I became more and more disgusted. Welch is an endearing, well intentioned woman who turned a drunken night into her own success story after a troubled childhood. 

Pookie, however polite his southern accent appears, is the epitome of the Zynternet. He texted with Welch for a bit, then blocked her, then unblocked her, then blocked her yet again before unblocking her for the final time before they began dating. My mind hurts from typing “blocked” that many times, and I’m sure Welch’s heart also felt a similar pain.

It hit me right then that the reason Hawk Tuah is affiliated with the Zynternet is because it is catered towards straight men. And, like we saw with the alt-right-ification of Pepe the Frog in 2016, that audience tends to quickly morph apolitical memes into right wing affiliated content.

Hawk Tuah’s acceptance by both the Zynternet and general internet culture is a clear sign of America's slow but steady shift politically right. But it’s not really Welch’s fault. Yes, she does play into this role and profit from it, but this is simply the way internet subcultures work. 

Next time you are in the mood for a podcast, I wouldn’t pick Talk Tuah, unless you want to go down a Zynternet rabbit hole. Even if that is what you want, I’m thinking you’re better off walking-tuah a bookstore and reading some-thang less chronically online.