Editorial: The best struggle meals for the struggling college student

Struggle meals — we know them well. The haute cuisine of the college student. Food combinations that would otherwise offend the senses, blaspheme the gastrophile. But, within the confines of a Davis Library corral, 2 a.m. during finals, these foods sustain us in our Sisyphean struggles toward that 4.0.

Connor Foote, opinion editor

First-year Lifetime Fitness was one for the books. I’d wake up at 8:30 a.m. to go play flag football in the alternating freezing cold or unbearable morning humidity, but at least I could get back to my residence hall to take a shower after. Waiting for me after said shower, every Tuesday and Thursday, was a cup of ramen and a cinnamon brown sugar Pop-Tart, washed down with a Mountain Dew Baja Blast from the laundry room.

Sydney Baker, assistant opinion editor

I make SpongeBob SquarePants Kraft Mac and Cheese with dorm sink water or my raw tears. I love squeezing the viscous orange cheese into the cup as I procrastinate an essay or something that matters. This dish pairs nicely with the stale, overpriced Girl Scout cookies my mom sent me when I was mentally spiraling right before winter break. 

Harry Black

I like to eat an entire pack of BallPark brand hot dogs. I cook the hot dogs in sets of two to convince myself there’s a chance I won’t end up eating the whole pack, but I just keep coming back to the microwave. Sometimes, if I have room, I’ll top it all off with a vanilla Core Power protein shake and call it a night. 

Mary Thomas Watkins

There comes a point in the semester when there is but a shallow husk of me, a primal alter-ego scraping by with the sheer goal of survival. This being craves tangy, acidic substances that reek of carcinogenic chemicals. Cheese nabs like Lance’s ToastChee pack combine a neon orange cheddar cracker with peanut butter. To wash it all down, the coldest Red Bull, Yellow Edition. This meal would surely kill a Founding Father, but it brings me back from bleak all-nighters and relentless study sessions. 

Rachel Moody

Lemon garlic butter pasta is a struggle meal that can be dressed up or down. Bottled lemon juice and jarred minced garlic tossed with some butter noodles in the microwave will do. If you feel like going the extra mile, juice a fresh lemon, mince a clove of garlic and combine in a pot on the stove for a slightly elevated dish. Ingredients can last for weeks or months, making it a go-to for when my fridge shelf is barren.

Mary Blake Nobles

Desperate times call for a 49-cent cup of Maruchan ramen. Against all advice and common sense, put some tap water into the Styrofoam cup and microwave it straight. If you really want to go the extra mile, add some toppings to give it flavor. Best paired with an overpriced beverage from the vending machine that’s always out of your favorite soda.

Kaveena Ponamgi

When there is nothing left to eat and an early morning awaits, one of the easiest meals I can make is overnight oats. Combining oats with milk, banana, chia seeds and peanut butter and leaving overnight in the refrigerator is not only affordable, but full of fiber. College breakfasts are typically caffeine-fueled and not filling, but overnight oats are a simple meal everyone can make.

Eva Eapen

When my academic strife intensifies, I turn to my most loyal companion: Hot Chicken Buldak Ramen. The blistering sensation gives me a reason to cry unabashedly, explaining to my roommate that the capsaicin is to blame, rather than the imminent dissolution of my hopes and dreams. I soothe my distressed taste buds with a FairLife CorePower chocolate protein shake — a better flavor than Harry’s —  and return to my laptop screen with a renewed sense of perspective.

Maggie Mead

There’s a gnawing hunger associated with shambling home from Davis at 2 a.m. Maybe eating one of the SafeWalk-ers would help. Course one starts with microwave popcorn. It must be butter flavor; this simulacrum of dairy is designed to yield a depth of flavor that real butter could never achieve. Course two is frozen cookie dough. Raw. I could cook the cookie dough — I just don’t want to. I’m like the Joker in that way. The crunchy granules of flour married with the rush from the risk of salmonella is unmatched. Plate on 50-cent Target Dorm Essentials dinnerware, the academic’s fine bone china.

Natalie McCarthy

Sometimes, when you’re staring, eye-bagged and malnourished, down the barrel of finals week, you may find a 24-pack of expired, iced sugar cookies in the Hinton James lobby. You feel the sandy, Play-Doh texture of the frosting between your teeth and fall to your knees weeping with thanks. The Red Dye 40 pairs beautifully with the adrenaline pulsing through your sleep-deprived veins to give you the kind of heavenly glow usually reserved for Victorian children meeting a tubercular death. 

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