The New Pornographers request variety of foods in contract

As a whole, legal contracts tend to be an unexciting genre of document.

And as a whole, The New Pornographers’ contract to play UNC’s Homecoming concert is no exception.

But there are portions of the 18-page agreement that contain some intrigue. The hospitality section, for instance.

Here’s a complete list of everything The New Pornographers wanted provided for this gig, free of charge:

• a substantial, quality meal for eight people or $150.00 cash for said meal expense (to be provided following soundcheck)
• 1 liter of tonic water
• Six(6) cans of Coca-Cola
• Six(6) cans of Diet Coke
• Six(6) cans of Red Bull
• 2 liters of orange juice
• Thirty-six(36) bottles of spring water
• 1 bucket of clean ice for drinks
• an assortment of traditional medicinal teas (with access to hot water or tea kettle)
• Lemons/limes
• 2 french baguettes
• 1 container of kalamata olive dip
• 2 bags of kettle potato chips
• 1 box of savory thin crackers
• assorted fruit platter (strawberries/melon/pineapple/grapes)
• 6 apples and 6 bananas
• assortment of fresh vegetables
• 1 bag of cashew nuts and 1 bag of pistachio nuts
• 24 towels
• 1 good DVD movie

And here’s a complete list of everything The New Pornographers wanted provided for this gig, free of charge, and didn’t get, mostly because they’re against University policies:

• Twenty-four (24) x cold bottles of Corona
• Twenty-four (24) x cold bottles of Stella Artois
• Two(2) 750 ml bottles of Jameson whiskey or 4 smaller bottles
• One(1) bottle of Beefeater Gin
• One small bottle of Jaegermeister
• Two(2) bottles of good red wine (1x>$15 & 1x>$10)

This list fosters some questions, such as:

• Why do the baguettes have to be French?
• What is a savory thin cracker?
• How do The New Pornographers define a “good DVD movie”?
• Why such specific wine specifications?

And, perhaps most importantly:

• What will The New Pornographers do with the “1 liter of tonic water” without the “One(1) bottle of Beefeater Gin”?

See The New Pornographers on Saturday, Oct. 29 at Carmichael Arena after the football game. Student tickets will be sold for $10.

Katherine Proctor is the assistant Arts editor for The Daily Tar Heel. She enjoys mid-Western accents and bears no relation to any witch-hunting puritans from “The Crucible.” Her analysis of The New Pornographers’ contract should be read before, after, or simultaneously with Arts Editor Katelyn Trela’s look at the concert’s cost and target audience on Wednesday’s front page.