Except for “The Producers,” I really don’t like musicals. That being said, it’s hard to ignore the upcoming “Nine,” a movie adaptation of the Broadway musical of the same name. Based on Federico Fellini's “8½,” the film has a stacked cast, including Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Judi Dench, and…Fergie? The trailer didn’t really grab me, but I figured it was better than posting the trailer for “Armored,” which features an increasingly obese Laurence Fishburne. Anyhow, fans of Fellini-inspired dance numbers, eat your hearts out.
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Nigh on a month ago, I posted a 30-second teaser for “Season of the Witch,” starring Nicolas Cage. It looked pretty bad then, but I’m pleased to say this full theatrical trailer looks awesome. Just kidding! Suckers. While it may be longer than the teaser, it’s just as “blah,” although it does at least give a vague idea of the story. Cage is Lavey, a knight charged with transporting a nefarious witch (we know she’s nefarious because she’s can blow out torches and apparently summon wolves) to a monastery; it’s kind of like a medieval “16 Blocks” except Mos Def isn’t involved. Check it out below for sole purpose of watching Cage kick some wolf ass.
At this point I’m pretty sure even drunken, itinerant vagrants are aware that a new “Twilight” film has been foisted upon the public. Yes, our culture is up to its eyeballs in vampirism and the massive success of “Twilight” means a parade of even-shittier imitators. I present to you the teaser for “Beastly,” a film so mind-numbingly generic and unrepentantly copycat, that the absolute best I can say about it is that it’s mercifully short (23 seconds). It doesn’t come out until summer of 2010, which is plenty of time for the 13-25-year-old female demographic to whip itself into a frenzy. Meanwhile, I’ll be praying for the apocalypse.
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