With about 300 words to rant through, honestly they should all be go toward sentence repeated ad nauseam: “Do not go see this movie!”
“Remember Me” sucks more than a vacuum cleaner convention held in a red light district smack dab in the middle of a giant tornado.
No, it isn’t simply because Tyler Hawkins is played by Robert Pattinson, whose only acting talent consists of blandly brooding, the majority of the time with a cigarette in hand.
Nor is it just because Hawkins’ older brother Michael commits suicide before the movie starts, giving Tyler the excuse he needs to be an emo teen-angst existentialist.
It isn’t due solely to the fact that Tate Ellington (Aidan Hall) is a whiny and unlovable roommate, who may have been originally slotted to have an alcoholic subplot struggle, but ends up as an annoying variety of comedic relief.
He refers to his sexual prowess by motioning to his crotch and saying, “I’ve planted this flag in every continent.” Tyler’s love interest, Ally Craig (Emilie de Ravin of television’s “Lost”) asks incredulously if Tate has had sex with an Eskimo. He gives her a knowing look and shrugs.
It’s not terrible just because it has a formulaic Hollywood plot with an ending that strives for a deeper resonance despite its predictable storyline of “boy makes bet with boy, dates girl, falls for her, girl finds out and boy is distraught.”
No, this movie is truly unbearable because it tries to be something its not. It hamfistedly and unnecessarily appends 9/11 to what is just another lackluster Hollywood rom-com. It’s a tasteless climax, cheaply riding this nation’s greatest tragedy to give it more meaning than it earns.
“Remember Me”? Psht. I’m trying my best to forget.
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