I would just like to say it took me two weeks to even think about writing this review, partly because I had no time, but mainly because "Do It" is such an awful song that I had to emotionally prepare to listen to the rest of the album.
The name of the album, Miley and Her Dead Petz, (cute z gurl) also did not help. But alas, here we are, so let’s begin. There are 23 songs on the album, but I picked about 10 (OK, 12) that either you really should or should not listen to. You're welcome.
"Do It"
This song. Miley. Please. Stop. I feel like it’s a very drug-infused version of "We Can’t Stop." But Miley, you can stop, and you should stop singing this song. And the music video? If you can’t tell, this is one you should not listen to. Ever. OK let’s just move on.
"Karen Don’t Be Sad"
First impression: wow this song is very breathy and five minutes long — you can be either, but not both. I am here for her non-breathy vocals and message on this one, though. It’s like, 'Hey, don’t let them get you down — they’re idiots and you’re a star.' I can easily see myself singing this into a hairbrush after listening to it 25 times in a row. But, also, who is Karen? #QTNA
"Something About Space Dude"
I wish I could post a picture of my face right now so you could see how confused, disgusted and annoyed I am at the same time. This song is really slow and not like, "ballad let me drown out my emotions" and more like, "if I wanted to put music to how fast I could run up Bowles Hill." It’s whiny and just a whole lot of I’m not here for it. NEXT.
"Space Boots"
OK, what is with this space theme? Anyway, uh, this is not terrible? It’s talking about how she is taking a breakup very hard, and how she feels without this person in her life anymore. Liam? Patrick? Stella? Or maybe one of her infamous dead petz (and, by the way, it’s two dead petz, so I’m not sure how we got 23 songs — OK, I digress). Her voice sounds recognizable and aside for a few lines, the lyrics aren’t too shabby. I’m here for it.
"BB Talk"
OK. I AM HERE FOR THIS. It’s a mix of her talking and singing, and I’m bias because I find Miley’s speaking voice so intriguing. Anyway, she’s complaining about this guy she’s in a relationship with. The shade at Patrick is so real, as she lists everything he does that drives her crazy. Apparently, the worst one was that he would talk in a baby voice, which, I mean, yeah, that is pretty gross. Also, way to pull a T-Swift and give us details about a private relationship. Yeah, I went there.
"Bang Me Box"
OK, this song got a lot of love on Twitter, and all I can say is whoever praised this song: *Raven-Symone voice* YA NASTIES. This song is literally so vulgar and descriptive like I thought "#GETITRIGHT" off her Bangerz album was bad. My innocent ears were not prepared for this. *Shudders* let’s just move on.
"Milky Milky Milk"
DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. UGH I want to go take five showers.
"I Forgive Yiew"
I have no reason to like this except it’s kinda catchy. I just want to make a line of every person I’ve unfriended on Facebook from my hometown and play this for them. Honestly, I think that’s why this song was made.
"Tangerine" (feat Big Sean)
I had so much hope for this. It’s definitely not terrible; it’s just not that great either. But Big Sean’s verse is good so silver lining!
"1 Sun"
THE SHADE (ironically). This song is basically, "Look, idiots, you’re destroying the planet and you need to stop because we only have one life, so we need to live it well." It's just like a global warming anthem, and it takes me back to when she did "Wake Up America" on her first album. WOW CUE THE NOSTALGIC TEARS.
"Pablo the Blowfish"
This song just makes me laugh, which is evil because clearly she really misses this fish, but I’m sorry — it sounds like a 5-year-old wrote this song. I’m currently giggling while writing this. Like, sorry for your loss, but also, girl, do better.
"Twinkle Song"
OK, so you think this song is going to be all chill and then at 2:20, she starts SCREAMING out of nowhere. Miley does a few performances with Joan Jett and suddenly she thinks she’s a rock star. But at this point her vocals are doing some really cool things, so if you can ignore the yelling, that’s pretty enjoyable. I could not tell you what the lyrics in this song are about or what its purpose is, which is ironic because she says, “What does it mean” quite a few times. Also, fun fact: every time she says, "What does it mean,” I think of "What Do You Mean?" by Justin Bieber and start dancing in my head.
In conclusion...
Overall, I guess this album isn’t as horrible as I thought it was. There are some shining moments, but I am very glad that it was free. The album is very mellow as a whole. Any song I didn’t mention just really wasn’t that special, in my opinion, but you are more than welcome to listen to this "interesting" album yourself. It’s very indie, almost Lana Del Ray — except, you know, not as good. I would recommend it for studying or taking a bath.
I do, however, appreciate how raw and honest Miley was on this album. She constantly says in the songs she isn’t good with saying how she feels, but this is her way of showing it.
And if we've learned anything by now, it's that Miley is going to do what she wants, how she wants.
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