I love Christmas. (Here’s proof.) I start listening to Christmas music on Nov. 1... like not kidding. Unfortunately, though, there are some songs I just cannot handle.
I’ve compiled a list of the absolute worst Christmas music to make sure you guys leave these out of your Spotify playlists. Like, really. Don’t do it.
1. “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”
Who wrote this, and WHY? Spending time with grandma is one of the most joyful parts of Christmas. Also, why would you incriminate the reindeer in this way? This song includes both a complete disrespect toward Christmas’ most cherished creature and a downright strange storyline.
Worst line: “When we found her Christmas morning/ at the scene of the attack/ she had footprints on her forehead” That is so dark. Just no.
2. “Santa Baby”
I’m not saying I don’t sing along to this one every now and then. But when you think about it, it’s kind of creepy. Don’t take our jolly, beloved Santa and make him into some sort of sugar daddy. What would Mrs. Claus say? You should be ashamed.
Worst line: “Think of all the fun I’ve missed/ Think of all the fellas I haven’t kissed.” I’m sorry Santa doesn’t care that you’re single, you little home wrecker.
3. “12 Days of Christmas”
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. What is a turtle dove? Do pears even grow on trees? Is there a specific type of bird classified as a “calling” bird? I think the FBI definitely plays this at Guantanamo Bay.
Worst line: “On the twelfth day of Christmas…” This is the holiday edition of 99 bottles of beer on the wall.
4. “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
I enjoyed the song until I actually listened to it. The title of the song insinuates that children in Africa literally aren’t aware it’s Christmas. Apparently, the greatest gift any child receives on the entire continent is just to live through the day. Oh, and there aren’t any rivers. The song was written with good intentions and quickly went downhill from there.
Worst line: “Well tonight, thank God it’s them instead of you.”
5. “Little Drummer Boy”
This song can be fun sometimes. But most of the time it’s pretty terrible. Check out Justin Bieber's version if you would like for your ears to bleed!
Worst line: “Rum pa pum pum.” And so on.
6. “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”
I’m sorry, what? Why? My wallpaper used to be a pygmy hippo and I still don’t understand why you would write a song about this.
Worst line: “Mom says a hippo would eat me up but then teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian.” Well no, he might not eat you, but he would definitely love to trample you to death. Merry Christmas, weirdo.
7. “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”
I spent most of my childhood worrying that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep on Christmas Eve and Santa wouldn’t come. Same for every single time I pouted or cried during the holiday season. Thanks for nothing.
Worst line: “He sees you when you’re sleeping.” Comforting.
8. “Christmas Shoes”’
This one takes the cake. Worst song of all time. Call me a Grinch, go ahead. But as sad as it might be that the little boy’s “momma” is dying near Christmas, I just fail to believe that she would rather have a new pair of new shoes than some more time with her son. So materialistic.
Worst line: “I want her to look beautiful if momma sees Jesus tonight.” He is definitely going to be concerned about what shoes she’s wearing. Those ratty old New Balances won’t make it past the gates of heaven!
Merry Christmas though! Joy & cheer to all!
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