Things Everyone Thinks

At the beginning of the month my RA updated the hall bulletin board to my favorite theme thus far: “Things Everyone Thinks.” I have now stopped at least four times to read it in its entirety and it never ceases to make me laugh out loud. I now share it’s contents with you.

Things Everyone Thinks:

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in.

Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say.”

Was learning cursive really necessary?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. Five-hundred and forty-six pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

How many times is it appropriate to say, “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this. Ever.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still don’t know what time it is.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle. Then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.