UNC Bucket List is a weekly feature highlighting the 100 things students should attempt before they graduate. Check out the full bucket list and all previous Bucket List posts here
It turns out that squirrels are not all that nuts about me.
I began today on a mission. I was going to feed a squirrel in order to complete #79 on the UNC Bucket List, whether those furry little tree rats liked it or not. And surely, I thought, it would be simple enough. After all, it’s hard to walk five steps without catching a glimpse of one of their bushy tails or hearing a chorus of their squeaky chatter.
I set off with a bag of bread and my photographer friend to the Kenan Woods behind the football stadium. On an average day, I can walk through there and count as many as ten squirrels. Surely, I thought, one of them would appreciate my offering of bread.
I decided to start off with a subtle approach. After waiting for the walkway to clear in order to avoid the judgmental stairs of people passing by, I crouched down and held out my hand to a pair of squirrels who stood roughly five feet away. They eyed both me and the bread intently. And then, as if they telepathically communicated with each other, the two simultaneously turned and sprinted up the tree.
Well, that was fine. I didn’t want to give away my bread to snobby squirrels anyway. I would find a furry friend that appreciated what I had to offer. When I came across a third squirrel, I decided on a more indirect approach and left a pile of bread crumbs a few feet away from him, stepped back and waited. And waited. When it finally seemed that the squirrel would at last eat the food, he cruelly turned away and made a dash for a garbage can.
I won’t lie—it was a bit of a slap to the face that this little guy would rather eat garbage than my bread. Message received loud and clear, squirrel. My friend, who had come to document what we thought would be a bucket list triumph, decided to test if the squirrels simply had an aversion to me.
It wasn’t just me. I waited around for ten minutes while my friend pursued the squirrels to no avail. And while we may not have attracted our target audience, we did score a number of stares from the people who passed by.
Perhaps it was the stigma of the HoJo squirrel or maybe it was the fact that two college students were standing beneath a tree pleading with a squirrel to please eat the bread. But those who walked by simply had expressions of bewilderment. I’m just going to assume that they were just shocked that the squirrels were eschewing our food—and not that they were questioning our mental states.
In the end, we left the squirrel’s lair in defeat. But where I so miserably failed, I hope others can learn and eventually complete Bucket List item #79 and finally feed a squirrel on campus.
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