We’re now entering the fifth week of fall semester, and our new school year’s resolutions to get that 4.0 are fading away.
If you’re going to procrastinate, procrastinate responsibly, and remember: Friends don’t let friends procrastinate alone.
From one student to another, here are four ways to push off doing that paper revision for the paper you haven’t even begun yet.
1. What’s up, Doc?
Requirements: Insurance and an “irritable” tummy
Disregard all respect you (should) have for the folks in Campus Health Services and schedule an appointment to have all your ailments checked. Tell them of the stomach aches you have after dinners at Lenoir, your sleep deprivation from rowdy suitemates and 8 a.m. classes and your homesickness that can only be treated by weekly visits home to clean laundry.
2. Preach it!
Requirements: Popcorn, a few friends and thick skin
Hopefully you find yourself at the Pit on the right day, as Gary Eugene Birdsong’s mesmerizing tales of damnation can ward you from the real pit of schoolwork and productivity. Known as the “Pit Preacher,” Gary preaches extremist Christianity, but the addictive level to listening in on his incoherent lectures is actually extreme.
Warning: Some find Gary’s commentary to be offensive. Act respectful, not reactive.
3. Take an early spring break
Requirements: Your passport
Book a meeting with each of the study abroad program’s regional advisors. Each one has a limit of 20 minutes. There are nine regions. Math majors have calculated this out to equal three hours. In that time, you could have read, like, three pages of that Introduction to Philosophy textbook… Anyway, if you’re successful enough, you could end up wasting so much time that you find yourself on the beaches of Guatemala equipping yourself with scuba gear and changing your major to environmental studies.
4. The Maze Runner
Requirements: No fear of having your face on a milk carton
Phillips Hall is infamously known for its labyrinth-style architecture. Students have been reported to enter and to never be seen again (but not really). With each step taken, the building becomes eerier and more turns appear. One can deplete any number of hours. Bonus points are awarded if you come with friends. Teams can even compete to see who escapes first.
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