That boy on your hall who dresses a little too well, raps all the lyrics to the PinkPrint album in the dorm shower and seems to go out too often yet also has his life together? Yeah, he's probably gay and you're going to be sharing a bathroom with him. You might feel concerned but don't fret because I — another gay man — am here to give you a heads up about all the things he's probably going to be doing in the bathroom. Heterosexuals beware!
1.Whitening his teeth
I won’t stop until I resemble Chip Skylark.
2. Brushing his teeth
Again: I won’t stop.
3. Exfoliating his skin with a hand-mixed, all-organic, flaxseed-avocado hydration facial mask with 100 percent clover honey from last weekend’s fabulous trip to Asheville
It’s not pretentious, it’s ~natural~.
4. Blow-drying his hair
Can’t go to class with wet hair like the breeders, can we?
5. Relieving his bladder at a urinal
Sometimes we’re in a hurry.
6. Relieving his bladder at a toilet
Sometimes we’re not in a hurry and want to check Twitter.
7. Checking out his own body
We honestly could not care less about how you look. We're too concerned about our own appearance to even think about checking you out.
8. Judging your self-hygiene habits
Letting cold water run over the tips of your fingers for three seconds without soap is NOT okay.
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