I was on my way to class Wednesday morning when I was approached by an elderly man.
Sadly, no, it wasn't Santa Claus or Roy Williams.
This man was handing out copies of the New Testament to passerby at the crosswalk on Manning and Skipper Bowles.
I mean, what a marketing strategy. Why struggle and coordinate to bring the people to your message when you can bring your message to the people?
Literally everyone crosses the street at some point in their day, whether on their way to spend their last Plus swipes on Wendy's or to chill outside of Genome Science Building on a nice day.
With so many crosswalks on campus, there are many types of people you may encounter there.
Here are ten people you might meet while crossing the street:
Have you ever been walking from one crosswalk to another and you really don't want to push the button and the angel from heaven in front of you comes in clutch and does it instead?
Meet The Pusher. For whatever deep psychological reason, this person loves pushing buttons. And for that, we are eternally grateful.
The Walking Dead
Source: Ain't It Cool
You see this person on the way to your 8 a.m.
They don't walk; they shuffle. And they don't talk; they mumble and occasionally grunt to you a morning greeting.
You can always count on them to add a little humor to your morning as they trip off of curbs and pump into unsuspecting joggers.
Warning: there is a 17.38% chance that you may become this person one day, so #dontjudge too harshly.
The Risk Taker
Source: Dial B for Blog
This person starts to cross with three seconds left.
This person edges out a little bit into the street when the light turns yellow.
This person is always the first to start crossing, taking off like a hyperactive Beagle puppy being let off of its leash.
This person is my hero.
Traffic Lady
Source: Wikimedia
The (wo)man, the myth, the legend, it's the Traffic Lady.
You will find her stationed and helping out her fellow man at the crosswalk from the Bell Tower to North Campus.
With her bright yellow vest of valor and her piercing whistle of wisdom, the Traffic Lady will lead you, guide you across the way.
She is campus royalty at its finest.
The Polite One
Now, here comes the boom.
Crossing with the help of Traffic Lady comes the social anxiety of thanking her for her duty.
Depending on the size of the crowd and your direct interaction with her, it can get kinda awkward trying to show your appreciation.
And then there's this person: the polite one who always, without a doubt, never missing a beat, yells out a "thank you!" to the Traffic Lady.
This person causes so much pain and discomfort daily, they should be locked away. And, I cannot promise you I'd still love them the same.
The Best Friends
Source: YouTube
Aw, these three are cute.
Until it's time to cross.
What was once playful banter between good friends becomes an annoying nuisance to all with ears.
Shrill giggles and loud outbursts of noise are not needed when crossing the street. They can be, in fact, quite distracting and could potentially lead to dangerous interactions with turning cars.
The Child Left Behind
Source: Playbuzz
We've all been this person.
You're at a crosswalk with a group of friends, you get distracted ("it was a really cool squirrel, guys"), the light changes, your friends leave you, you hyperventilate, you drink some hot tea afterwards, everything's cool.
The Chatty Cathy
There are two situations in which you interact with the Chatty Cathy while crossing the street:
1. They say something and you turn thinking they're talking to you but they aren't and you will be forever alone.
2. They talk nonstop all the way across and by the time you're on the other side you want to do all of the hurtful things to them.
The Classic Man
Source: Vevo
This person is a shahp dressah and will let you know it by the way they saunter across the street.
The world is their catwalk and they shine like pearls.
Bae
A crosswalk bae comes in many forms.
They could be across the street at another crosswalk and you bond over the fact that both of your lights haven't changed yet.
They could be walking alongside you when you catch a whiff of their wonderful scent.
Either way, a goal in life is to find a bae every time you cross the street. It will make your life more ~exciting~ and ~interesting~ than I'm sure it already is. Okay? Okay.
Which one of these people do you most identify with? Are you one of them, all of them, two at the same time? Whoever you are, know that by merely crossing a street, you are becoming a part of UNC history. And that's pretty cool.
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