The last few years, people have been making an awful lot of noise about the supposed “War on Christmas.” Whichever side you are on, you can’t possibly argue that people hate the Christmas season. Everyone LOVES the Christmas season. One day it’s Halloween and it’s all “I love fall and apple cider and pumpkins and hayrides!!!!” Then literally the NEXT DAY (Nov. 1) people start blasting the Justin Bieber Christmas Album willy nilly????? I’m sorry but if there’s a “war” on any holiday, it’s Thanksgiving.
If you’re one of those horrible people who thinks the Christmas festivities start on Nov. 1, there’s a 100 percent chance we won’t get along. Looking at you, Starbucks Red Cups. Imagine a world where between Nov. 1 and Thanksgiving, Starbucks celebrated the holiday that is actually impending with Starbucks Orange Cups. Much cuter and probably more politically correct.
How people’s minds seamlessly skip over Thanksgiving without a second thought is absolutely appalling. THANKSGIVING exists for a REASON, people — it celebrates the ONE day in history that the pilgrims and the Native Americans actually got along enough to have a civilized dinner. Thanksgiving! Or, as I like to call it: The Day Before the Pilgrims Gave the Entire Native American Population Smallpox. But, I guess the name “Thanksgiving” is cleaner.
REASONS WHY THANKSGIVING DESERVES MORE THAN THIS:
1. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It helps us give thanks and remember the forgotten celebrities that have fallen from A-List fame. This year, we celebrate the #GoneButNeverForgotten Plain White T’s and, of course, American Idol Season 5 treasure, Daughtry.
2. Thanksgiving TV episodes are 100,000 times better than Christmas episodes. When a sitcom decides to do a Christmas episode, it’s always extremely sappy and sometimes depressing. Thanksgiving episodes, however??? Festive AND funny. For "Friends" fans: Remember the episode when Brad Pitt made a cameo (“The One with the Rumor”)? Thanksgiving episode. For "How I Met Your Mother" fans: Remember the best episode of all time (“Slapsgiving”)? Thanksgiving episode. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please go and binge watch them along with every other Thanksgiving episode from every sitcom ever (especially those from "Friends"). 10/10 would recommend. You will not regret.
3. Post-dinner nap! Drained from listening to your senile uncle rant about his love for Donald Trump and your extended family asking you “exactly what are you going to do with that degree?” for two hours, you get to curl up on the couch, pretend to watch football, think about how lucky that dinner is overand drift to sleep.
4. PIE. Pecan. Pumpkin. Apple. Blueberry. Cherry. Lemon Meringue. Key Lime. Strawberry Rhubarb. PECAN.
5. Thanksgiving music. Sure, there’s a shortage of it, but Thanksgiving songs do exist (I may or may not be lying)!! Regardless of their questionable existence, they will never make you burst into tears on the way to the supermarket like the tragedy of a song that is "Christmas Shoes."
6. Cyber Monday. You probably thought I was going to list Black Friday as a reason, but why anyone would willingly wait in 5+ hour long lines to SHOP (the devil’s pastime) is beyond me. Thanksgiving means the coming of Cyber Monday, the day when you can wake up at noon, and get all the amazing deals of Black Friday while lounging in your Super Mario pajamas sipping tea. That’s my idea of a good day.
7. Christmas isn’t over yet. The Christmas season is fantastic, we all know this, but after Dec. 25, it’s over, and bleak abyss of Post-Christmas Depression sets in. During Thanksgiving you have the entire Christmas season to look forward to.
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