They’re a recent phenomenon in history, able to preserve our lives well beyond death, forbidden to untrusted outsiders and marked in secret hieroglyphics.
I’m talking about laptops, the temples of the digital (or should I say eternal) life covered in mysterious symbols known as “stickers, dude,” according to one confused student when I asked what her symbols were.
If you’re online, which you have to be to read this — #DigitalThirst — you most likely have this device that sits upon your lap at times. Thanks to the research of the Daily Tar Heel’s leading adhesive hieroglyph expert Zack Green, you’re probably one of the 71% of UNC students decorating your digital temples. But have you stopped to ask “What do these vinyl hieroglyphs mean about me?”
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Don’t worry, Andy Samberg. Keep on reading.
THE SYMBOLS DECODED: WHO ARE YOU?
Stickers represent our interests, what we’re involved in and who we are, essentially. Ancient pharaohs believed they could preserve their bodies surrounded by their treasures and what meant most to them — i.e. cats, am I right? Being buried with their beloved possessions, their spirits could then come back to their bodies and enter the afterlife.
In a way, our digital footprints are eternal, making us digital pharaohs and our stickers as hieroglyphs marking our temples. Use the graphic and the corresponding definitions below to determine which sticker personality you fall in.
The Statement: a political or social activist
Most likely voted “Most Likely to Become President” in high school, the Statement is the one texting their friends each week to get involved in some rally or petition. He or she is a character of great perseverance and hope, and probably your next boss or reason traffic is stopped.
The Pop Culturist: a surveyor of the moving picture, music and the internet
This king or queen of memes and quotes can be deadly if you aren’t equipped with any proper knowledge in TV like Parks and Recreation or indie films like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. They’re called the Ref for short because they lead discussions, which are full of laughter.
The Pink Whale: an enthusiast for the brother- or sisterhood
Brand names, a great sense of style, and a value for the community combine to produce the Pink Whale. Without speaking any Greek, the Whale speaks the language of fierce determinism as much as sociability.
The Adrenaline Seeker: one succumbed by wanderlust or athleticism
There may be no mountain too high for this enthusiastic, goal-oriented pioneer. The Adrenaline Seeker is planning the future if not smashing records, impressing peers, or dreaming of far-away lands and peoples.
The Real Heel: the greatest one, the upmost highest in life
By far the most interesting, the Real Heel displays their school stickers with pride. They are a person of great integrity and greater intelligence. Look out for those with anti-Dook adhesives, these are the leaders of this tribe.
The Blank: one who is boring, unengaged, or lacking in stickers
I find your lack of stickers disturbing. Question this person’s motives.
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Thanks, Andy! I’m really glad you were here for this blog.
Source: Giphy
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