Finding a seat in Lenoir during the lunch rush hour is like trying to find a hay straw in a stack of needles. Luckily, there are a few methods that when deployed correctly can get you that table you’ve been eyeing for your last 20 lunch breaks. It’s time to step up and claim the table of your dreams.
1) Flooding Method - Displace a fluid substance in an unattractive manner across the desired sitting area.
This method is great for those rare occasions when you don’t have your bookbag to lay claim to the table while you get food. To navigate around this problem simply spill some water across the table and seats. Other patrons will not want to clean up a mess in order to sit down so they’ll pass over your organized chaos.
2) Abduction Method - Locate an available table and take the chairs with you to get your food.
This is another great method for those times when you don’t have the usual items used to lay claim to a table. Simply locate an available table and carry the chairs with you around Lenoir while you fill your plate. This method is fool-proof and you get a chair to sit in while waiting in line for that healthy cheeseburger.
3) Hunter and Gather Method - Channel your prehistoric self to guarantee a quick and stress free meal.
This method works best for groups of two. Once you’ve arrived in Lenoir one of you (the Hunter) immediately seeks out the first available table while the other (the Gather) collects food for the both of you. Once a table is obtained the Hunter then texts the Gather the location.
4) The Blitz Method - Deploy the traditional divide and conquer concept to secure a table.
This works with at least three individuals but is best with four. Strategically divide Lenoir’s seating areas into fractions and each member of the group is assigned to search for an available table in their respectively assigned fraction.
5) Odd-One-Out Method - Use social anxiety to your advantage to transform an occupied table to an available one.
This method requires at least two individuals, is more situationally specific than the others and should be deployed only when all other methods have failed. The first step is locating an individual sitting alone at a table for four people.
Approach this individual and sincerely express your frustration of not being able to find a table and ask if the individual would mind sharing their table with you and your friend. Obviously they will say yes in order to be polite even though they really do mind.
After sitting down at the table immediately begin to drown the space in negative energy. This will elevate the original occupier’s social anxiety to new levels of discomfort.
The original occupier will not handle this much anxiety and will escape the situation by leaving the table to just you and your friend in less than 5 minutes.
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