How to survive engagement season

There is a new threat stalking your every move — an event poised to take over your world. You can’t run. You can’t hide. It is coming. It is here!

No, it’s not the latest horror movie or the start of the new semester. It’s engagement season.

Why is winter engagement time, you ask? I’m wondering the same thing. I think it’s probably cold enough to freeze hearts out there.

Apparently, cold never bothered them anyway, because I can’t seem to scroll through my Facebook feed these days without seeing that life event: So and so Got Engaged to so and so. 

If you’re anything like me, these posts make you incredibly happy but also INCREDIBLY FREAKED OUT. I mean, it seems like most of them are people my own age. And I’m still over here trying to remember to drink water every day.

So, in the interest of saving lives (engagement shock-induced heart attacks are probably a thing) I’ve compiled my best tips for how to handle the engagement rush.

There are really two ways to approach this thing. 

The first comes in handy if you are single. 

First, write a cute comment on the Facebook life event, like the post, and scroll through the engagement pictures. 

Then shut your laptop and give in to two minutes of crying. 

After that, put on your confidence boots (this is not a metaphor) and take a brisk walk outside. 

Remind yourself how awesome, independent, self-sufficient and smart you are. 

Return to your room, remove confidence boots and eat ice cream. 

Then return to your previous activities.

The second approach is for non-single people. 

As soon as you see the Facebook event, stop scrolling immediately. 

Invite your significant over for a study session. 

Take a Facebook “break.” 

Immediately get excited during said break over the event that you (just now) found. 

Call your significant other over to witness the excitement. 

Passive aggressively look at all of their pictures online. 

This works best if you also stalk their old pictures to see how long they’ve been dating, etc. 

Write comments, like pictures, send messages and prolong the hype as long as you can. 

Eventually, go back to studying. Be cool and act natural.

These strategies are guaranteed to get you some funny looks, if not make you feel better about life. Good luck. I and the rest of everyone who’s single are rooting for you.

@meggiecruser