This weekend was cold. While I like to think that share Sid the sloth’s devilishly good looks and wealth of common sense, I do not share his adaptation to be able to survive ice ages/weekends.
After fearlessly rolling around in the snow in my non-waterproof clothes this weekend, I seem to have come down with the plague. Well, not really, but my tonsils are the size of golf balls and essentially feel like sea urchins are perched in the back of my throat.
But it’s fine; I’m fine! I have acquired antibiotics from UNC Campus Health Services. Seriously, if you are feeling sick don’t hesitate to journey down there. They are very helpful.
But it’s not fun or easy to be a college student surrounded by pizza and chicken nuggets forced to eat strawberry yogurt for every meal. Here are a few ways to keep your swag and your sanity while you’re sickly.
1. First things first. Let EVERYONE know you are sick. You will probably have to carry around a sign that says “Attention boys: Please don’t kiss me.” Both your un-showered hair and marshmallow-shaped outfit are truly irresistible, but you don’t want to get anybody sick. You are far too humble for that.
2. You’ve been eating a lot of yogurt because it’s really the only thing you can swallow without crying. Trust me, I know that yogurt gets old after about one bowl. Want to know what goes down just as well? Nutella. Grab a spoon and eat it straight out of the jar.
If you are in college and you haven’t tried this yet then you’re lying. If you have then you know. You just know. We will now hold a brief intermission while you go get the Nutella jar from the pantry.
3. You’re a UNC student, so you always have to do homework, even when you’re sick. JUST KIDDING stop doing it. Go to YouTube. Search anything with “Too Cute” in front of it. Here you will find a valuable source of videos of puppies, kittens, sloths and (my personal favorite) baby pigs (*weeps*).
Baby animals will make you happy. If you watch enough of these, maybe you will begin to believe that you too are a furry, snuggly baby animal. It’s all about the power of positive thinking.
4. Listen to “Holocene” by Bon Iver on repeat. This is probably the most relaxing song there is. It’s perfect for when you feel angry about not being able to sing along to your favorite songs since your throat is rapidly swelling shut. You couldn’t sing along to this song if you wanted to! Literally no one can tell what he says at any point in this song.
5. Treat yourself to the most comfortable place you can be: your bed. You can easily turn your bed into a desk so you are prepared to take a nap at any moment.
I write this from my bed, in fact. On my bed-desk hybrid is my calculator, math notebook, pencil, hairbrush, a bag of mini M&M’s, scarily green Chloraseptic spray for my throat, a pillow printed with this photo of Gil Shaham’s face and my laptop.
This is efficiency.
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.
