They say that yellow is the color of happiness. I’m starting to question that.
You see, yellow is also the color of pollen. And pollen is that cute, tiny, deathly disgusting substance that invades your body and wreaks havoc.
If anyone has ever made fun of you for your “pollen allergy” or laughed as you cried from the pain of LITERALLY HAVING SMALL PARTICLES INSIDE YOUR EYEBALLS, don’t worry. I am about to reveal the secret of surviving allergy season.
You don’t.
End of story. Just go ahead and roll over.
Alternatively, if you would rather keep on living, there are a few things you can do to mitigate the pain. It’s going to take some serious willpower, but where there’s excessive pollen, there’s a way.
1. Never go outside again. This should be super doable. We don’t have to walk to classes or anything. It’s fine.
2. Eat lots of honey. Apparently only local honey works, but the more honey the better, right? Shake things up by taking your honey with a little drizzle of tea.
3. Carry a box of tissues around. I’m being dead serious. I have an entire box of tissues in my backpack right now.
4. Wear a mask. Always wanted to be Batman? Or Spiderman? (Obviously, yes). Take this opportunity to preserve your health while also channeling your inner superhero. The Pollinator could be a superhero, right? Or maybe Pollenman. Captain Pollen? So many choices.
If you’re ever tempted to despair, just think about the imminent arrival of summer. Focus only on the lack of pollen during the summer months. Don’t think about the insane heat. That’s a worry for another time.
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