That fateful time of year has finally arrived. No, not finals — your last chance to ask out that beautiful human across the lecture hall before they disappear into the sea of 29,000 students that is UNC.
This is no easy task, but worry not: I, your love doctor and spiritual guide, will help you achieve your dream of lying side-by-side in the quad, cloud-watching with that special someone.
Now, rush forth, little love bird! Your very love life hangs in the balance.
PLAN A: The Ol’ “Let’s Study Together” Trick
UNC sure is a tough school, isn’t it? And you sure have to do a whole lot of studying to make good grades, don’tcha? One might say that having a study buddy could possibly make working a tad easier. This is about as subtle but intentional as it gets, and if it doesn’t work out, you can at least say you did well on the final.
Plan A is mainly for those who have already spoken to their crush; if you haven’t, though, Plan B is for you.
PLAN B: The Ol’ “This Class is Literal Hell” Trick
Even though you’ve been sitting on the other side of room from them all semester, go ahead and take a seat next to your crush for the day. When the professor says something so confusing that it sounds like Greek (and it’s UNC, so this will inevitably happen), just lean over and make a joke about the ultimate doom you’ll both be facing in the coming weeks. They’ll laugh and nod, you’ll introduce yourselves and if all goes well, you can return back to Plan A. Brilliant.
PLAN C: Social Media Shoutout
If you’re a little too shy for a more direct approach, try using the internet. Just as social media gives people the confidence to boldly say things they would never repeat in real life (see: “Twitter beef”), it can also give you the confidence to admit your admiration. You might try an anonymous route like Yik Yak, but if you’re feeling a little braver, then try the UNC Secret Admirers page.
Yes, that is a thing.
PLAN D: Creep, my friend.
Okay, let’s not pretend that we haven’t used the UNC directory to figure out somebody’s name.
Fellow journalists of UNC, I’m looking right at you.
Use it to your advantage on Facebook and figure out if you have any mutual friends. All it takes is one introduction to spark ~romance~. When you meet them, though, the key is to act like you have no clue who they are. Maintaining an air of mystery is important, and also, if you ask them about their recent vacation to Disney World without being prompted, they might be a little turned off.
PLAN E: Just ask them, dude.
All joking and Facebook creeping aside, you’ll be fine if you just take one leap of faith, talk to them, and say that you’ve been interested. If you need a little more encouragement, just think of how excited or flattered you might be if you had a secret admirer.
This is all easier said than done, of course, and not an easy piece of advice to follow. But don’t weigh yourself down with thoughts of what could have been—go find out what you could still be!
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