Did you spend your winter break on a warm tropical beach with your family? Or maybe on a blustery mountaintop with your trendy friends and a GoPro? If you’re like me (which arguably you should be), you didn’t. If you’re like me you spent a good 75 percent of your break watching cable Hallmark holiday movies that all had an eerily similar (exactly the same) plot.
A precious gift of cable TV is the installment of commercials. While they are usually simultaneously irritating and useless, every once and a while a real gem flicks across your screen. We both know what I’m talking about here: fragrance advertisements!
It doesn’t get much more entertaining than watching Ariana Grande dressed like a six year old at a dance recital, whipping her four foot long ponytail in the back of a purple taxi. A taxi? Honestly I bet it smells GREAT in there! Like they normally do, right?
As consumers we are blessed to get the chance to smell like all of our favorite pop artists: Ari by Ariana Grande, Boyfriend by Justin Bieber, Outspoken by Fergie, Outspoken Intense by Fergie, or (the most creative option) Outspoken Party! By Fergie.
I love to see Fergie feeling empowered about her outspokenness just as much as the next female millennial, but I can’t help but notice a void in the trendy fragrance business…Where are the UNC CELEBRITIES?
Want to keep the student store in business? UNC celeb fragrances. It’s that simple. This is the next big thing.
Is Carol Folt your role model? Now you can smell just like her with Foltlore by Carol Folt. This Eau De Parfum Spray is a delightful mixture of vanilla, clothing starch, plain yogurt, daisies and lemon juice to add that certain zest for life.
Maybe you’re more a fan of Pit Preacher Gary? Well thanks to our new fragrance line — Sinful by Gary Birdsong you can support him in an entirely new way! Sinful is a stirring mixture of sweat, left over lasagna-in-beard and that old-book smell that is sure to make noses perk up in surprise!
Looking for a bit sportier scent? Marcus Paige has just released his signature new cologne Le Marc. It is an expert mixture of Girlfriend by Justin Bieber, Lollipop Splash Never Forget You by Mariah Carey and the smell of a freshly waxed basketball court. Everyone will be giving you double takes if you spritz this little number on your Jersday Jersey.
Maybe you root for the underdog. I’ll SHOW ALL OF YOU by Joel James is a victorious mixture of Dreams by Mariah Carrey, the smell of Big and Tall men’s clothing and mostly protein powder. Wear this cologne and show everyone that you actually do have what it takes to be a star. Shove it in the face of all the haters that have ever doubted you, they’re your motivators now. We’re gonna bop to the top, Joel!
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