South Campus witnesses confirmed Monday morning that local attention seeker and first-year student Rebecca Lynn Thompson capitalized on the return of icy walkways to campus.
“The icy walkways just make creating incidents that grab people’s attention so much easier” said Thompson.
The presence of ice on campus was so dangerous that classes were canceled Monday.
Thompson’s roommate, Meredith Collins, was happy to finally get eight hours of sleep Sunday night thanks to Thompson’s absence from their shared room.
“Rebecca stood outside the dorm all night to keep an eye on the developing ice,” said Collins.
Tyler Greenwood, a resident advisor in Koury Residence Hall, said he overheard students commenting about a girl laying on a towel just outside the dorm building while wearing just a bathing suit late Sunday evening.
“I knew right away they were talking about that girl who pulled the fire alarm twice last week while wearing just a towel the size of a dishcloth” said Greenwood.
Thompson also commented on improvements to her vaguely named back problems that usually only flare up when someone else complains about their back hurting thanks to not having to carry around fake blood packets and elaborate midday wardrobe changes in her backpack.
“My mind can finally take a break from constantly having to make up lies to make me sound interesting!” said Thompson.
She then let out a breath of relief that was followed by a 15-minute debacle involving wheezing and flailing her body on the ground just as a large group of people passed by.
Thompson later explained she has undiagnosed asthma from all her time she spent taking cardio dance classes at Juilliard with Selena Gomez.
Thompson first appeared to be flattered by the DTH’s interest in running a story about her but was later shocked when asked for her name and personal information.
“I’m kind of a celebrity around here,” said Thompson wearing sunglasses inside the Student Union, “I have haters everywhere. But the bricks are by far the biggest of them. They’re always trying to trip me up.”
Randall Buckhead, a senior, confirmed Thompson’s campus celebrity status.
“Everyone knows her as the girl whose snapchat of herself faking a seizure at the front of Rita Balaban’s Economics 101 class last semester made it onto the UNC Snapchat story” said Buckhead.
Thompson spent most of her day purposefully slipping on the icy walkway by Rams Head gym whenever someone walked by, earning herself a couple of prominently placed bruises that will get her some attention for at least the next few days and a broken arm that will really rein in the eyes.
“I love icy walkways! It’s the gift that keeps on giving!” said Thompson.
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