The Onyen is a satire blog and is for entertainment purposes only. All names, references and quotes are made-up.
- Eat unsalted unflavored almonds. Let the blandness clean out your body.
- Date someone who reads. Avoid illiterate people at all costs.
- Wake up at the crack of dawn. You’ll be exhausted, but you’ll feel so much better than everyone else.
- Drink black coffee. (Everyone knows that cream and sugar will corrupt your free spirit).
- Walk around barefoot everywhere, all the time. Your blisters and splinters are symbolic of everyday, meaningless struggles.
- Sleep on the quad. Sleep in the Pit. Sleep on the floor in the middle of Lenoir. Don’t let society tell you that you can’t.
- Buy a random plane ticket to a place you’ve never heard of. Deplete your life savings trying to come home.
- Lay in a puddle. Cleanse yourself.
- Only eat vegetables. No other foods are good for you.
- Go on a mission trip to a poor country. Come back with a new admiration of your materialistic society.
- Write blogs full of life advice tips that only work for you, and no one else.
