Election 2016 roundup: feat. good, old-fashioned Democratic sass -

Top News:

"Yes, but can you answer the question?" Ah, politics at its finest. The first Democratic primary debate aired Tuesday, and unlike both GOP debates, CNN was actually able to fit all the candidates on the stage.
Trump live-tweeted the Democratic debate. That is all.
GOP candidates took their campaigns to New Hampshire this week, with Jeb Bush scoring a key endorsement and Rand Paul, well, being Rand Paul.

Democratic Candidate Breakdown:

Hillary Clinton: Most pundits agree that Hill took the gold during last night's debate — she was smooth, quick on her feet and made a few well-placed jokes (which, admittedly, this blog could use).

In fact, she performed so well the Washington Post is speculating she may prevent Biden from entering the race (HE'S NOT RUNNING. I think. Who knows anymore).

Bernie Sanders: Bernie had the best line of the night. When asked to comment on Clinton's ongoing email scandal: "The American people are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails."

Watch it in all of it's glory here:

He also appeared on Ellen — after a little bit of chatting, the 74-year-old danced to "Feelin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. Between this and Clinton's painfully awkward Nae-Naeing, this election feels like an especially presidential episode of "So You Think You Can Dance."

Martin O'Malley: More like Martin O'be-still-my-beating-heart. Is it just me, or is O'Malley actually kind of hot? (By the way, Dad, if you're reading this — I'm sorry)

Aside from staring into my soul with those piercing blue eyes, O'Malley performed well during the debate — probably not well enough to edge out Clinton or Sanders, but well enough, all things considered.

Jim Webb: The clear winner of the debate. Hahaha no, I'm totally kidding. Although he showed CNN moderator Anderson Cooper quite a lot of sass (maybe sacrificing a little class), the whole thing kind of made him look like an...nevermind.

New campaign slogan: "Jim Webb for 2016, because he's been waiting for ten minutes to say this."

It's okay Jim, I bet your mom is really proud of you.

Lincoln Chaffee: Wait, who?

Darth Vader: Donald Trump may have been live-tweeting the Democratic debate, but last night's real social media star was @DepressedDarth — who is not only Luke's father (spoiler alert?), but also running for president/supreme ruler of the galaxy.

Introducing former Supreme Commander of the Galactic Empire Darth Vader #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/BQosMaARvM
— Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth) October 14, 2015

Anderson hasn't asked me one question yet #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/H0GPu5tihu
— Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth) October 14, 2015

I don't support guns, but I do support lightsabers #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/m1LW3OPFIK
— Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth) October 14, 2015

I will create jobs by building a new Death Star #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/UhGvz2iuMn
— Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth) October 14, 2015

Republican Candidate Breakdown:

Donald Trump: Live-tweeted the Democratic debate, and yes, it was just about as salty as Jim Webb on-stage.

We will all have fun and hopefully learn something tonight. I will shoot straight and call it as I see it, both the good and the bad. Enjoy!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 2015

All are very scripted and rehearsed, two (at least) should not be on the stage.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 2015

Sorry, there is no STAR on the stage tonight!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 2015

He's still polling high, at 23.4 percent of Republican primary voters.

Ben Carson: Carson is catching up to Trump in the polls, having jumped a whopping 11 points since August. Pundits speculate part of the reason for his climb is that Carson is perceived as more ethical than the other candidates (*cough* Trump).

Marco Rubio: Rubio is polling at 10 percent, behind Trump and Carson. Rubio — a longtime opponent of raising the minimum wage — recently made comments inadvertently supporting a wage increase. Campaigning in New Hampshire, he said, "Because even the jobs that are being created now don't pay enough. You can't live off $10 an hour. You can't live on $11 an hour."

Jeb Bush: He scored an key endorsement while campaigning in New Hampshire — State Senate President Chuck Morse, the state's highest-ranking official to make an endorsement this election cycle.

Morse for you Jeb Bush, you go Jeb Bush.

Rand Paul: Called his own campaign livestream "dumbass." And we thought Donald Trump was the only way to say stupid things on camera.